Fancynancy

Ban the Burqa -- Listen to a Muslim Feminst

2009-07-02T07:10:00.000-07:00

Another brave, insightful post by Mona Eltahawy, journalist, Muslim and feminist.

Ban the Burqa
by MONA ELTAHAWY

Published: July 2, 2009
NEW YORK — I am a Muslim, I am a feminist and I detest the full-body veil, known as a niqab or burqa. It erases women from society and has nothing to do with Islam but everything to do with the hatred for women at the heart of the extremist ideology that preaches it.

We must not sacrifice women at the altar of political correctness or in the name of fighting a growingly powerful right wing that Muslims face in countries where they live as a minority.

As disagreeable as I often find French President Nicolas Sarkozy, he was right when he said recently, “The burqa is not a religious sign, it is a sign of the subjugation, of the submission of women. I want to say solemnly that it will not be welcome on our territory.” It should not be welcome anywhere, I would add.
Yet his words have inspired attempts to defend the indefensible — the erasure of women.

Some have argued that Sarkozy’s right-leaning, anti-Muslim bias was behind his opposition to the burqa. But I would remind them of comments in 2006 by the then-British House of Commons leader Jack Straw, who said the burqa prevents communication. He was right, and he was hardly a right-winger — and yet he too was attacked for daring to speak out against the burqa.

The racism and discrimination that Muslim minorities face in many countries — such as France, which has the largest Muslim community in Europe, and Britain, where two members of the xenophobic British National Party were shamefully elected to the European Parliament — are very real.

But the best way to support Muslim women would be to say we oppose both racist Islamophobes and the burqa. We’ve been silent on too many things out of fear we’ll arm the right wing.

The best way to debunk the burqa as an expression of Muslim faith is to listen to Muslims who oppose it. At the time of Mr. Straw’s comments, a controversy erupted when a university dean in Egypt warned students they would not be able to stay at college dorms unless they removed their burqa. The dean cited security grounds, saying that men disguised as women in burqa could slip into the female dorms.

Read the whole article here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/03/opinion/03iht-edeltahawy.html?_r=1&ref=global
www.monaeltahawy.com

Currently ...

2009-06-25T11:52:00.001-07:00

Slacking on blog posts! They're all ending up on Facebook...

But in short: finished "The Line" at GLUE Editing & Design studio on Monday, the same house where "The Education of Shelby Knox" and "The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo" finished. They are no stranger to social issue documentaries, and I'm grateful for their generosity. We chose this shot for the DVD for now.

Received a delicious Creative Media grant from thefledglingfund.com to further distribute the film, create educational materials and put in motion the online grassroots campaign that will accompany the film and getting it to its proper audience (everyone).

Running full steam ahead with a fantastic pair of interns, Melanie, formerly of the Huffingon Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-wallner and Carmen theactivista.tumblir.com. Working with fabulous project co-director Melissa Gira Grant at melissagira.com.

Am thrilled to announce that The Line and Whereisyourline.org campaign has hired Thomas Cabus www.thomascabus.com to be our designer. A talented photographer, accomplished Art Director and a Parisian super star in the making! We're in good hands.

And lastly --- renting office space from friends at the Applied Research Center, tireless activists for Racial and Economic Justice and the publishers of "ColorLines" Magazine. With a window and AC and a farmer's market nearby!

Saudi Student Tackles Ban on Women Drivers

2009-05-09T02:50:00.001-07:00

Using a Facebook campaign, Flickr stream and DIY stickers, a 24 year old Saudi Arabian woman is raising public debate about the ban on women drivers in her country. Areej Khan, student at SVA in New York, is getting Saudis to express themselves creatively and tackle the topic of women driving, and thereby sparking conversations about Westernization and modernization... All with a little sticker and a little Facebook! She is getting enough support at home that she felt brave enough to use her full name.

"We the Women is a campaign that aims to raise the issue of women driving in Saudi Arabia and to start a real, public conversation. The We the Women declaration bubbles and bumper stickers were created as a space for self expression. Feel free to fill it out with your opinion on the issue and stick it wherever you feel it needs to be."

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/07/saudis-debate-ban-on-women-drivers/?hp

Sexy Christian Miss California

2009-05-07T12:31:00.001-07:00

The contradictions of Miss California, Carrie Prejean. Famous for her inarticulate public opposition to gay marraige, which Perez Hilton hysterically exploited, thereby making me weirdly sympathetic to Prejean, she is now caught in a nude/semi-nude picture scandal. At the age of seventeen, hoping to be a Victoria's Secret model, she posted semi-nude for some sleazy photographer for the site dirty.com.

What's actually the problem and truly gross, is that the family of this young woman, while probably extolling the virtues of abstinence-only sex education and no sex before marraige, think it is perfectly ok for their morally correct Christian daughter to pose semi-nude in photographs when she is a teenager. Morally, legally and religiously she cant have sex, but she can look like she wants it, sell things with her hot("barely legal") body, and allow for men in fertility clinics to get off looking at her?

Look sexy, but don't have sex.
Til marraige.
To a man.
Thanks, Dad.

Wonder if she'll wear clothes in her $1.5 million dollar "opposite marraige" campaign?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/05/07/california.miss.california/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Creative Commons - how to be a thoughtful pirate.

2009-05-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'm taking an online survey at CreativeCommons.org to find out what kind of file user/maker/sharer or crook I am. This is helpful information as it gives kind of an ethics of sharing content, mash-ups, etc. For me personally, it can help me untangle what kind of lawyer I may need to cover my use of other people's videos in my film, translations, fair use, and posting the content of my film online.

http://creativecommons.org/

Pirated image of Somali pirate used.

Hot Cellphone Sex!

2009-05-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

Or at least sex ed on the mobile phone... love how the New York Times has covered the work of ISIS among other organizations to use mobile technology to inform teens about sex. Amazing that The Birds and The Bees Text Help line functions on a paltry $5,000 grant - and that the youth of North Carolina have nowhere else to turn! The bottom line is if you want to help people, you must meet them where they are. No judgements, no sarcasm, using whatever access and technology is available to you and to them. Harm Reduction and Education. But must be hard not to laugh at some of the questions...!

THE special cellphone, set on vibrate, begins to whir. Throughout North Carolina, anonymous teenagers are texting questions to it about sex.

Karen Tam for The New York Times
TEXTERS Sally Swanson and James Martin are two of the experts who answer questions at the Birds and Bees Text Line.
Readers' Comments
Readers shared their thoughts on this article.
Read All Comments (38) »
“If you take a shower before you have sex, are you less likely to get pregnant?” asks one.

Another: “Does a normal penis have wrinkles?”

A young girl types: “If my BF doesn’t like me to be loud during sex but I can’t help it, what am I supposed to do?”

Within 24 hours, each will receive a cautious, nonjudgmental reply, texted directly to their cellphones, from a nameless, faceless adult at the Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention Campaign of North Carolina, based in Durham.

There goes the phone again.

“Why do guys think it’s cool to sleep with a girl and tell their friends?”

James Martin, the staff member who has text-line duty this week, is 31, married and the father of a toddling son. He hesitates. How to offer comfort, clarity and hope in just a few sentences? He texts back. “Mostly it’s because they believe that having sex makes them cool,” he types, adding, “Most guys outgrow that phase.”

The Birds and Bees Text Line, which the center started Feb. 1, directing its MySpace ads and fliers at North Carolinians ages 14 to 19, is among the latest efforts by health educators to reach teenagers through technology — sex ed on their turf.

Sex education in the classroom, say many epidemiologists and public health experts, is often ineffective or just insufficient. In many areas of the country, rates of teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases remain constant or are even rising. North Carolina — where schools must teach an abstinence-only curriculum — has the country’s ninth-highest teenage pregnancy rate. Since 2003, when the state’s pregnancy rate declined to a low of 61 per 1,000 girls ages 15 to 19, the rates have slowly been climbing. In 2007, that rate rose to 63 per 1,000 girls — 19,615 pregnancies.

In the last 15 years, school officials and politicians in many states rancorously debated whether sex-ed curriculums should mention contraception. Meanwhile, public health officials became alarmed about the fallout of risky adolescent sexual behavior and grappled with how to educate teenagers beyond the classroom.

A few universities and hospitals set up blunt Web sites for young people, like Columbia’s Go Ask Alice! and Atlantic Health’s TeenHealthFX.com, allowing them to post questions online. More recently, researchers have explored how to reach teenagers through social networking sites like MySpace and YouTube.

Now, health experts say, intimate, private and crucial information can be delivered to teenagers on the device that holds millions captive: their cellphones.

Programs in Washington, D.C.; Chicago, Toronto and San Francisco allow young people to text a number, select from a menu of frequently asked questions (“What 2 do if the condom broke”) and receive automated replies, with addresses of free clinics. Last month, California started HookUp 365247, a statewide text-messaging service. The texter can type a ZIP code and get a local clinic referral, as well as weekly health tips.

“Technology reduces the shame and embarrassment,” said Deb Levine, executive director of ISIS, a nonprofit organization that began many technology-based reproductive health programs. “It’s the perceived privacy that people have when they’re typing into a computer or a cellphone. And it’s culturally appropriate for young people: they don’t learn about this from adults lecturing them.”

The North Carolina program, with a $5,000 grant for the cellphone line and advertising from the State Department of Health and Human services, takes these exchanges a step further. The Birds and Bees Text Line offers one-on-one exchanges that are private, personal and anonymous. And they can be conducted free of parental scrutiny.

That lack of oversight is what galls Bill Brooks, president of the North Carolina Family Policy Council. “If I couldn’t control access to this information, I’d turn off the texting service,” he said. “When it comes to the Internet, parents are advised to put blockers on their computer and keep it in a central place in the home. But kids can have access to this on their cellphones when they’re away from parental influence — and it can’t be controlled.”

While some would argue that such programs augment what students learn in health class, Mr. Brooks believes that they circumvent an abstinence-until-marriage curriculum. “It doesn’t make sense to fund a program that is different than the state standards,” he said. (The State Legislature is now considering a bill permitting comprehensive sex education.)

As Mr. Brooks suggested, parents who believe these conversations belong in the home could cancel their teenager’s texting service (at possible grave risk to domestic tranquillity).

But they can’t exactly cancel adolescent curiosity about sex. At the very least, said Professor Sheana Bull, an expert on sexually transmitted disease infection and technology at the University of Colorado School of Public Health, “The technology can be used to connect young people to trusted, competent adults who have competent information.”

The Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention Campaign of North Carolina, which runs the text line, has been helping to set up teenage parenting workshops and after-school programs around the state for 24 years, financed mostly by the state and by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The nine staff members who take shifts with the text line have graduate degrees in public health or social work, or years of experience working with teenagers.

Modeling their service on a similar city program in Alexandria, Va., the North Carolina staff members worked up guidelines: No medical advice — urge questioners to speak with a doctor. Do not advocate abortion. When necessary, refer questioners to local clinics, Web sites or emergency hot lines. Give reasoned, kind advice. Read answers twice before sending. No sarcasm.

The North Carolina center permitted a New York Times reporter to read through some phone logs, after cellphone numbers and towns were redacted. The questions span the spectrum of adolescence itself, from the goofy to the ghastly. Many ask how to talk with parents about sexuality. Combining a teenager’s capacity to cut to the chase with the terseness of texting, they are often brutally direct:

Do I love her or do I love the sex?”

“What happens if you swallow a piece of condom?”

Some questions could have been written to teen magazines 50 years ago:

“Why don’t girls like short guys?”

“how do u move yr tongue when u tongue kiss?” (“Kissing is not a science,” the reply notes. “Go at your own pace and you will figure it out.”)

But many questions vault past the basic training manual: “I like boys but I also like girls. What should I do?” (“Some people just like who they like. ... Only you can know for sure and only you know what is right for you.”)

Some reveal dangerous chasms of ignorance. Girls and boys alike ask about anal intercourse: Will it prevent pregnancy? Let a girl remain a virgin?

“If ur partner has aids,” one teenager asks, “and u have sex without a condom do u get aids the first time or not?”

Parents haven’t complained yet, perhaps because they haven’t seen the exchanges.

Sally Swanson, a staffer and mother of two teenagers, said if parents did read them, “It would highlight how much disconnected information kids are already getting at younger ages than we did.” The questions can be salacious. The staffers try to answer them all, said Mr. Martin, but discreetly and always urging protection. In offering this service to teenagers, he said, “you can’t say ‘I’ll be honest except or until.’ ” That’s often what happens with parents, he added, “when the child brings up something shocking, the parents tend to shut down.”

Last week, Ms. Swanson answered a flurry of questions from someone who finally identified herself as a 12-year-old girl. She texted, “Do u think its awkward txtin things about sex to kids?”

Ms. Swanson’s reply, in part: “I think communicating with teens in whatever way they need to ask a question is important.” Ms. Swanson gets questions about practices and body parts using slang that is unfamiliar to her. Her reference source: urbandictionary.com.

What pulses powerfully through the phone logs is the teenagers’ longing to unburden themselves. One night, as Mr. Martin was getting ready for bed, the cellphone vibrated. He read it and sat down abruptly. His wife asked what was wrong.

The texted question: “If I was raped when I was little and just had sex was it technically my first time when I was raped or when I recently had sex?”

He wrote three drafts. An hour later, he texted back: “Your first time is whatever you make it. There is no ‘right’ answer: I believe your first time can be many things (good, bad, fun, embarrassing, wonderful) but it should never be nonconsensual. Your first time is the first time you choose to have sex, not when some horrible person forces you.”

Professor Bull, the Colorado expert on technology and reproductive health information, says that such services have benefits but also limitations.

They are great for referrals and short answers to quick questions, she said. But unlike the California model, which can reach thousands automatically, these one-to-one text lines rise and fall on human interaction.

But it’s not an alternative form of therapy. Although some texters ask Ms. Swanson to reveal her age and gender, she refuses. “I don’t want them to feel connected to me,” she said, “because I’m never going to be real to them. I’m a texter. I want them to find someone real to talk to.”

Even so, the voices of an anonymous few, their thoughts floating across that text screen like a 21st-century Magic 8 Ball, haunt her.

A certain 15-year-old.

Last week, the girl texted that she had taken four pregnancy tests. Two negative, two positive. Which were wrong?

“I just recently moved in with just my dad,” the girl continued. “I can’t tell him.” She is an only child. The family has been through turmoil.

Ms. Swanson asked whether the girl could turn to other adults.

The teenager texted: “I talked to my sex ed teacher but she wasn’t much help. She made me feel ashamed.”

Ms. Swanson replied: “I am sorry to hear that. Please don’t feel ashamed. That won’t help anything and this situation certainly does not determine your worth as a human being. Life is full of twists and turns and difficult times — it’s how we handle them that matters — at least that is what I believe.”

Ms. Swanson promised to send her phone numbers for public health clinics in her area.

“Be easy with yourself,” she texted. “You’ll be O.K.”

The next morning Ms. Swanson texted her the contacts. “I hope these numbers can connect you with somebody who can take more time thinking this through with you.”

The cellphone vibrated in reply.

“Thanks.”

Ms. Swanson has not heard from her since.

Rosario Dawson Calls Obama Vagina Friendly

2009-04-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

It's true, she did... and he most certainly is. We heart the president who has created an office overseeing the health of women and girls and marks April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Last week I attended the first ever: Women & Men as Allies: National Conferenc eon the Primary Prevention of Men’s Violence Against Women in Washington D.C. The conference took place on Capital Hill across the street from a hotel named “Liaison”. Well, well, well.

Basically the idea is this: men’s violence against women (and children and men) is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men --- so this is not a “women’s issue” this is a men’s issue. MCSR has been working for a decade to challenge stereotypes of masculinity and gender (although a lot of the material for messaging sake is in a gender-binary format, which makes sense to me in this context). It was exciting to see so many military personnel at the conference, as MCSR has just signed a contract with the Department of Defense.

Other long standing allies in the movement are Jackson Katz, creator of the MVP: Mentors in Violence Prevention program at Northeastern University, and two of the men in my film: Brett Sokolow and Don McPherson. Of course Byron Hurt, the director of “Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes” is a highly visible member of this community and a great speaker, keynoted.

Opening keynote discussion with Byron Hurt and Ritu Sharma was powerful. Ritu Sharma is the Executive Director of Women Thrive Worldwide, and she is a woman who truly speaks truth to power. She was born in India and at the age of 4 raped by her grandfather. She feels fortunate that her family got out of their village and moved to America, but she highlighted the global realities of so many women in children in the world. She “got out” but others live continually with their perpetrators, family members, husbands, and have no laws or cultural norms to protect them.

Byron Hurt made the great point about being a man in the movement, you have to be careful to check yourself, stay “real” because you get so much love just for showing up as a man doing this work, that you must keep your ego in check. How many rounds of applause can a group of 30 guys get and not let it go to their heads?

First panel: Research on Forced Sex in Intimate relationships: Continuum of Coercion and Relationships.
This was interesting because it talked about “forced sex” and how changing the language can invite more people who may run from “the r word” and be more willing and able to look at the consequences and context of their sexual encounters. This does not fall under “domestic violence” or “dating violence” this can be more casual… which is right where my work falls… the hook up gone wrong.

I asked a question really trying to highlight, detail and identify “the line of consent” (which of course is always moving around, depends on context, is not set in stone) and that sparked a nice debate in the audience and connected me with likeminded folks.

Otherwise, we skirted the topic and discussed a ton of public health statistics.
A recent uproar is the notion that Hamid Karzai legalized rape in marriage in Afjghanistan. The world is an uproar, right? Well… the irony of legalizing rape in marriage, is that IT IS LEGAL in the overwhelming majority of the world! It is legal in over 70% of the world. One great solution we can do in the US/Canada is put the legality issues into ESL classes, New Immigrant centers – to make sure newer members of our communities/nations know that in the US it is absolutely not legal to rape or beat your wife.

Congresswoman Donna F. Edwards was our keynote at lunch. She has been a longstanding ally at the Office of Violence Against Women and was late due to a hot date with Obama and his economic plan speech. Highlights were sitting next to some really engaged young men.

Post lunch session: “The Complexity of Consent” it was a TOTAL BOMB
Semantic eruptions between Second Wave and Third Wave feminists/allies about how to talk about rape… “rape is not (only) about power and control, it is also about sexuality”, “rape IS about power and control, only” No one listening to each other, and no one really talked about the complexity of consent using interesting or nuanced hypothetical information. Yes, if you’ve passed out on heroin, you are not consenting. That’s pretty clear… but otherwise, why don’t we waste an hour shouting at each other?

Mid-day Celebrity spotting: Rosario Dawson keynote – great speech where she was asked to channel Eve Ensler who was in France. Rosario noted that Obama is Vagina Friendly, and showed up in the Washington Post the next day.

NEWSFLASH: Want to get men interested in combating violence against women? Have Rosario Dawson show up, look hot, and commend them for their great work! You should have seen the boys sitting in the front row. Adoration.
http://www.ihatethemedia.com/rosario-dawson-calls-obama-vagina-friendly

Day #2 to come...

Anna Farris Sucks, Seth Rogen Always Did

2009-04-09T08:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks JEZEBEL for posting this article about the new Seth Rogen dark comedy where he rapes "slutty" Anna Farris, who actually "consents" in between passing out and puking. Might have to get the pirated copy and start using this one in workshops!

Here's a baffling quote from the NYT review by David Itzkoff: "In another scene he forces himself on a makeup-counter saleswoman (Anna Faris) after a date of heavy drinking and drug use."

I'm just not sure how you are getting consent when you've forced yourself on someone.

http://jezebel.com/5204177/is-date-rape-funny-seth-rogen-explains-it-all-for-you

Is Date Rape Funny? Seth Rogen Explains It All For You

If you're thinking about seeing the light-hearted Seth Rogen comedy Observe & Report, you may want to watch this R-rated trailer first...or maybe not.

You wouldn't know it from watching the commercials playing constantly on TV, but in Observe & Report Ronnie (Seth Rogen) date rapes Brandi (Anna Faris) after taking her out to dinner, and today, bloggers are talking about it. This is how The New York Times review describes the scene, which you can watch in the final 20 seconds of the trailer above:

In another scene [Rogen] forces himself on a makeup-counter saleswoman after a date of heavy drinking and drug use. (Before the scene is over she indicates that she had given her consent.)

In the scene, Brandi has thrown up on herself and appears to be totally unconscious as Ronnie is pumping away on top of her. He stops for a second, and then she murmurs the line that The New York Times says indicates her consent, "Did I tell you to stop, motherfucker?" before passing out again.

Dan Kois writes on New York Magazine's Vulture blog:

The movie doesn't mitigate that sex scene at all. In fact, it makes it even more clear than the trailer does that when Brandi and Ronnie get home from dinner, she's unbelievably trashed on antidepressants and tequila. Not only does she throw up all over the place, she can barely walk - and she certainly can't give any kind of informed consent. She's way too wasted for her yelling at Ronnie to mean anything.

But Kois doesn't get is that it's a dark comedy. People are so disturbed by rape that the fact that Brandi is too out of it to give any kind of consent what makes the scene so hilarious. Anna Faris told New York Magazine, "It's like date rape - that's funny, right?" Seth Rogen agrees in this interview posted by the Washington City Paper. He says:

SETH ROGEN: When we're having sex and she's unconscious like you can literally feel the audience thinking, like, how the fuck are they going to make this okay? Like, what can possibly be said or done that I'm not going to walk out of the movie theater in the next thirty seconds? . . . And then she says, like, the one thing that makes it all okay:
BRANDI: "Why are you stopping, motherfucker?"

Rogen explains that everyone in the theater then lets out a good long chuckle. See, even though she's probably blacked out and has no idea what she's saying, it isn't rape. (And Brandi's kind of a dumb slut anyway.) In the beginning of the trailer, a flasher is exposing himself to women in the mall parking lot and it looks like he's masturbating in front of Brandi. In this interview Anna Faris says:

It is the most traumatic event that's ever happened to her, which is funny because I always imagined that she's seen a bit of male anatomy and it wouldn't normally scare her.

Women who have many sex partners obviously love penis, so they'd welcome a stranger jerking off in front of them on their way to work.

And if you aren't already laughing at the idea of a pervert exposing himself to women and someone getting date raped, Shakesville points out that the film will be even more entertaining for women with history of sexual assault. Sady writes:

"The incredible frequency of rape and sexual assault in our society means that many, many victims of rape will see [the movie], and the PTSD that often accompanies rape will mean that, for a joke, for some dipshit filmmaker's attempt at being edgy, they are going to experience all of the pain and psychological trauma associated with that experience, they are going to feel that rape all over again, there, in their seats, in the theater, and they are going to pay for the experience, and if they try to talk about what that filmmaker did to them it's probably going to get sidetracked into some conversation about the Sanctity of Art which is invariably given more consideration than their actual lives."

Sex::Tech Day #2 Sex, Phones and Fun!

2009-04-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

Had a harder time getting up Day #2 in combination of jetlag, going out and a late night visit to the Lusty Lady, San Francisco's famous collectively owned and operated peep show. Nice ladies, for sure, and a "don't touch the walls" sticky old school sleaze atmosphere.

Monday Sex::Tech Keynote:
Dean Eckles, Nokia Innovative Design Tools "Using Mobile to Persuade"
Bill Bailey at Distributive Networks, who designed the Obama TXT msg campaign
Gregg Witt, Creative Director of Premise Marketing "Authenticity in Youth Marketing"

-I came late, so caught the tail end of Nokia Design.

-Did catch the entire Obama txt campaign... totally inspiring. Basically, this guy pioneered the "announce VP Joe Biden by txt message" tantalizer to get a million people to sign up for alerts. It worked. His advice: use full words and sentences when using txt messages to speak for the president. LOL.

-Premise Marketing- Gregg Witt, who gave a presentation about authenticity and using the senses to get people interested. Did a collaboration with the Partnership for a Drug Free America. They asked him to design a campaign, and they teamed up with
A & E's "Intervention" to make a film (I heart "Intervention"). They also made a game. It's called "WRECKed" and its an interactive card game, with jokers, Meth, pot, coke and a lot of "choose your own adventure" type of scenarios. He said the video is cool, but the most effective tool is the interactivity of the game.

**Inspires me and my use of "The Line" film, short enough so there is plenty of time to get people talking afterwards. Key is provocative questions and interactivity!**

-Unconference – a self organizing set of sessions posted by attendees. I hosted a screening. Great turnout! Lots of teenagers! folks from California State Public Health Department, Planned Parenthood, Social workers, etc.

My favorite endorsement:
“This is real. No one can see this and not pay attention. This ain’t cheesy” –
Henry, 17 y.o.

-Fireside chat with Heather Corrina, founder and author of Scarleteen.com. She advocates and delivers a holistic, in-depth and communal approach to sex –ed by building a web-community on her site, and by focusing her personal and individualized attention on each question that comes in. She has an international web of volunteers.

-Strange session I stumbled into, where a presenter actually warned us against the web being a receptacle of limited choices for women, such as SMUT and JIHAD! The crowd was not pleased. Sort of the only Lemon of the conference.

-Jenni Skylar, a PhD candidate gave a great presentation on Interweaving Intimacy and Electronic Technology. Great use of provocative imagery to open up the conversation for debate.

- Government Tools for STD/STI prevention – interesting comparison between America and Canada, The CDC conducted a “what if” survey: what if you could get tested for an STI at the mall? At Wall-Mart? At Rite-Aid? In Canada mobile testing units are common, and they have better results than we do. Normalizing the process and procedure.

Overall, fantastic Public Health/Tech experience. I'd like to see (and will propose) for next year, perhaps a discussion using clips of THE LINE and the dialogue that follows a viweing of the film to discuss how self esteem and peer support can effect sexual choices and behaviors.

Sex::Tech Day #1 Sex, Phones, Fun!

2009-04-01T10:46:00.001-07:00

Not to dog on New York, but where else can you find a combination of Fearless Sex Ed, Public Health and New Technology but San Francisco? Sending love to city of constant reinvention...

I am going to list here a few of the things I absorbed Day #1 while in San Francisco this past week at Sex::Tech Focus on Youth, Sexual Health and Technology Conference. www.sxtechconference.org. Sex::Tech is the second annual conference sponsored by the Internet Sexuality Information Service (ISIS) in San Francisco. www.isis-inc.org.

Brief disclaimer: I'm a bit of a tech-phobe, kind of halfway proficient in somethings (typing, cameras) and sucky in others (wordpressy analytics @twitters, etc) so that's the smudgy lens I was seeing everything through. What was cool to me, maybe totally obvious to you.

Another caveat, the work I've been doing over the years is about issues of sexual consent and boundaries, and less on STI/STD prevention, but I found the issues are inter-related especially regarding self-esteem and how that effects ones ability to negotiate consent/condom use, and how lack of comprehensive Sex Ed is detrimental for disease, but also to promoting sexual health that includes fun, pleasure and communication.

IN ORDER OF ABSORPTION:

- Reprolatina.org.br is a hugely successful teen-driven Sex Ed site in Brazil, with 3,000,000 members. Started by one guy -- they have since mobilized youth to enact policy changes in Brazil promoting condom use and safe sex. They have tons of anecdotal research for anyone doing case studies or curious about the sex lives of young Brazilians.

- Best way to reach youth is via mobile phone, especially if it is Sidekick-friendly (full keyboard) and/or find people on AIM.

- why sms? instant, private, accessible, cheap, effective

- some cool prevention projects using SMS: realtalkDC.org, inspot.org, "hookup365247"

- if you want youth volunteers to help out, learn and stay w/your project:
1) feed them! 2) give them transportation 3) give them mentorship and skills!

- if you want to supply information to young people on your site, answer their questions professionally, but also personally: http://www.scarleteen.com/ is a great example.

- Washington DC has the highest youth HIV Rate in the country. 1 in 100 kids in DC has HIV, that is 3% of the population, which is higher than some countries in Sub-Saharan Africa. WTF?

- Good resources for non-profits: mobileactive.org, mcommons.org, textually.org

-NOKIA doing an interesting CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility) project about helping young people manage their HIV meds. Their advice: design the right thing, so figure out what problem/what tool/what context/what exists before making something.
** only weird thing is that they couldn't share their idea (yet), because Nokia is a for-profit corporation and protective of what they're making.

-SMS/Mobile phones are part of a multi-pronged approach to prevention and awareness, not a replacement for drop in centers, people, etc.

- Did you know most public school libraries have major filters on their computers so kids can't really learn anything about their bodies or sex?

- Did you know the most banned book in public schools was about two homo penguins raising a baby at the New York Central Park Zoo, "And Tango Makes Three"? I guess this proves New York is the city of Sin...

- "Your Voice, Your Rights" a very cool advocacy project launched by Answer and Sex, Etc. a magazine by youth for youth coming from Rutgers, University http://answer.rutgers.edu/

---- End of Day #1 -----

Thanks to Nico and Thomas who were kind enough to be out of town, so I could luxuriate in their apartment in the Castro, toute seule!

Oprah Scandal pt. 2

2009-03-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

In South Africa, 1 in 3 women will be raped in her lifetime, sometimes more than once. Is Oprah's Leadership Academy addressing the possible past traumas of its students and faculty and the need to educate around issues of abuse, power and sexual misconduct? Probably not. Time to add it to the curriculum.

It feels sensational and homophobic to report on "lesbian liaisons" at an all girls school, since that happens at Yeshivas in Brooklyn, summer camp, private schools in Connecticut and pretty much anywhere you segregate the sexes and have adolescents sleeping together. The issue is whether or not those encounters were consensual.

Oprah's school lands in sex scandal
31 Mar 2009, 1659 hrs IST, ANI

Seven students at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls now face suspension after being accused of sexually harassing their fellow pupils.

According to the newspaper Afrikaans on Sunday, a girl of 15 was found guilty of preying upon another student and forcing other girls to conceal the truth from investigators. Other girls were “caught fondling each other or trying to get other girls to join them in lesbian liaisons”. Lisa Halliday, Oprah's spokesperson, confirmed the suspension.

"It is because they contravened the school's code of conduct. We regard the incident as confidential," the New York Daily News quoted her as saying.

The incident comes nearly two years after a female school staffer was accused of physically and sexually abusing students in October 2007. On learning upon the sex charges, Oprah had then said: "I am a mama bear when it comes to protecting my children.

"These girls are like my children. That's not just rhetoric for me. I take their futures and the possibility for what their futures hold very seriously."

Sluts v. Losers?

2009-03-17T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sex Wars: Sluts vs. Losers
by Susannah Breslin and Grant Stoddard

When it comes to sex, who’s got it tougher: the woman who’s called a slut for having too much casual sex? Or the guy who’s branded a loser for not having enough? A provocative new study has launched a Daily Beast debate between sexperts Susannah Breslin and Grant Stoddard.

When it comes to sexual latitude, men and women confront different rules and expectations. Who has it worse? A recent study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that, despite the popular belief that women face more societal chastising than men do, men actually reported more instances of feeling constrained by social norms. The Daily Beast asked two sexperts, Susannah Breslin and Grant Stoddard, to debate in on the conclusions.

Susannah Breslin: Women Have It Worse

The author of the blog Reverse Cowgirl and noted sex writer says promiscuous women still suffer from the classic sexual double-standard more than men who can’t get laid.

For years, it’s been widely held that women have been accorded far less freedom of sexual expression than men. If a woman is too sexually adventurous, too promiscuous, too “freaky” in the sack, she gets labeled a slut. In contrast, men have been lauded for their sexual prowess, “high-fived for wantonness,” accorded “player” status for acting like studs ... MORE >>http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-17/women-have-it-worse/

The author of Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental Sexpert says men who can’t get laid suffer more from the classic sexual double-standard more than promiscuous women.

It’s taken the participation of 104 undergrads in a University of Saskatchewan study to determine something I’ve known for quite some time: While I’m supposed to honor requests to slap, restrain, throttle, and enable any Sapphic whim a woman may wish to actualize, a libidinous digression from me means putting an already tattered reputation on the line. Technically speaking I’m a man, and as such, I’m obligated to keep it simple. ... MORE >>
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-17/grant-stoddard-men-have-it-worse/

Chris Brown for Kids Choice Awards?

2009-03-10T12:12:00.001-07:00

Absolutely baffling decision by Nickelodeon...

Nickelodeon stands by Chris Brown as nominee
2 hours ago

NEW YORK (AP) — Nickelodeon says it has no plans to remove Chris Brown as a nominee for its annual Kids' Choice Awards, despite the singer's felony charges for allegedly beating up his girlfriend Rihanna.

Brown is nominated for favorite male singer and favorite song for "Kiss Kiss." He'll be competing in the latter category with Rihanna, who police say was allegedly punched, bitten and choked by Brown last month.

An online petition asking Nickelodeon to remove Brown and Rihanna as nominees had 2,166 signatures Tuesday. Nick says Brown was nominated for his work as a performer, and kids will decide who wins.

The awards are scheduled for March 28.

England -- the new Saudia Arabia?

2009-03-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

One in five women accept violence from men, a new poll reports.

Shocking numbers of women still think it is okay for their men to hit them.

A survey today reveals one in five reckons fell as are justified in lashing out if their partner is dressed in revealing clothes. One in seven believes violence is justifiable if she is nagging or moaning at him. And one in 10 thinks they would deserve a slap if caught flirting with other blokes.

Senior Home Office sources said the most shocking result of the Ipsos Mori poll is that there was little difference in the attitude of men and women.

It is also feared gang and rap culture could be promoting the notion beating girls is justified.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith warned yesterday: "Violence against women and girls is unacceptable no matter what the circumstances are. I want to reduce the fear of serious violence that can stop women going about their lives freely."

Ms Smith is considering a domestic violence register that could warn women if a new partner had attacked in the past. Police would be able to pass on details of previous attacks. Ms Smith said: "Arguably, there is a duty of care." Ministers are also looking at "stay away" orders when violent partners must leave the family home for two weeks.

And in the domestic violence consultation launched today, they will explore measures to stop sexualisation of young girls. The End Violence Against Women And Girls Strategy aims to tackle all forms of violence against women and girls.

It will look at extra powers for police and courts to control violent offenders.

As a first step, a website will be set up for the public to report where they feel unsafe and why. It comes as youth worker Camilla Batmanghelidjh yesterday warned of a shocking rise in gang rapes in inner cities.

She said rape was used to punish girls seen as disrespectful towards gang members.

1 in 5 Number of people who think it is acceptable for a man to hit his partner if she is wearing revealing clothes

1 in 6 The number of murders in the UK that are recorded as domestic violence-related killings

1 in 7 Proportion of people who think a man is justified in using violence on a woman whonags or moans at him

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/03/09/shocking-poll-reveals-one-in-five-women-accept-violence-from-men-exclusive-115875-21183780/

Saudis order 40 lashes for elderly woman for mingling.

2009-03-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Life for Saudi Arabian women is pretty hellish. A young woman was murdered by her father last year for chatting on Facebook, a victim of gang-rape was sentenced with jail time and driving is a highly punishable offense. Interesting how Laura Bush spoke about liberating Afghani women from the Taliban, but never said a peep about the kindom's treatment of women. Wonder what our new administration might have to say?

CNN) -- A Saudi Arabian court has sentenced a 75-year-old Syrian woman to 40 lashes, four months imprisonment and deportation from the kingdom for having two unrelated men in her house, according to local media reports.

According to the Saudi daily newspaper Al-Watan, troubles for the woman, Khamisa Mohammed Sawadi, began last year when a member of the religious police entered her house in the city of Al-Chamli and found her with two unrelated men, "Fahd" and "Hadian."

Fahd told the policeman that he had the right to be there, because Sawadi had breast-fed him as a baby and was therefore considered to be a son to her in Islam, according to Al-Watan. Fahd, 24, added that his friend Hadian was escorting him as he delivered bread for the elderly woman. The policeman then arrested both men.

Saudi Arabia follows a strict interpretation of Islam called Wahhabism and punishes unrelated men and women who are caught mingling.

The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, feared by many Saudis, is made up of several thousand religious policemen charged with duties such as enforcing dress codes, prayer times and segregation of the sexes. Under Saudi law, women face many restrictions, including a strict dress code and a ban on driving. Women also need to have a man's permission to travel.

Al Watan obtained the court's verdict and reported that it was partly based on the testimony of the religious police. In his ruling, the judge said it had been proved that Fahd is not the Sawadi's son through breastfeeding.

The court also doled out punishment to the two men. Fahd was sentenced to four months in prison and 40 lashes; Hadian was sentenced to six months in prison and 60 lashes. In a phone call with Al Watan, the judge declined to comment and suggested the newspaper review the case with the Ministry of Justice.

Sawadi told the newspaper that she will appeal, adding that Fahd is indeed her son through breastfeeding.

The case has sparked anger in Saudi Arabia.

"It's made everybody angry because this is like a grandmother," Saudi women's rights activist Wajeha Al-Huwaider told CNN. "Forty lashes -- how can she handle that pain? You cannot justify it."

This is not the first Saudi court case to cause controversy.

In 2007, a 19-year-old gang-rape victim in the Saudi city of Qatif was sentenced to 200 lashes and six months in prison for meeting with an unrelated male. The seven rapists, who had abducted the woman and man, received sentences ranging from 10 months to five years in prison. The case sparked international outrage and Saudi King Abdullah subsequently pardoned the "Qatif Girl" and the unrelated male.

Many Saudis are hopeful that the Ministry of Justice will be reformed. Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz announced in February a major Cabinet reshuffling in which many hard-line conservatives, including the head of the commission, were dismissed and replaced with younger, more moderate members.

The new appointments represented the largest shakeup since King Abdullah took power in 2005 and were welcomed in Saudi Arabia as progressive moves on the part of the king, whom many see as a reformer. Among ministers who've been replaced is the minister of justice.

The actions of the religious police have come under increased scrutiny in Saudi Arabia recently, as more and more Saudis urge that the commission's powers be limited. Last week, the religious police detained two male novelists for questioning after they tried to get the autograph of a female writer, Halima Muzfar, at a book fair in Riyadh, the capital of the kingdom.

"This is the problem with the religious police," added Al-Huwaider, "watching people and thinking they're bad all the time. It has nothing to do with religion. It's all about control. And the more you spread fear among people, the more you control them. It's giving a bad reputation.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/03/09/saudi.arabia.lashes/index.html?eref=rss_latest

Rihanna -- no longer a role model?

2009-03-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

It is common to "blame the victim" and in this case, Rihanna's fans are puzzled by her decision to go back to Chris and disappointed in her, she and her managers do need to respond to the enormous impact the Rihanna Brand has on teenagers. They made her, she owes them. I hope someone on her team (once she gathers the strength, love, support and therapy to leave Chris Brown's violently abusive ass) helps her craft an intelligent PSA, response, Oprah appearance, teen-dating violence non-profit, etc. to help untangle the very confusing experience of being in an abusive relationship.

TMZ.com recently leaked a detailed verbal report of Rihanna's description to the LAPD immediately following the incident, and it is greusome. I'm torn about posting it, because coming from TMZ it is tabloid, but it's also important to know how violent and frightening Chris's attack was. Especially when he still refuses to take responsibility for his actions.

Source: ABC NEWS:
To some, Rihanna's a victim. To others, in light of reports that she's back together with Chris Brown following allegations that he beat and bruised her, she's something completely different.

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=134747980301&h=6-oVQ&u=P8ets

Honor? Or protecting the perpetrator?

2009-03-05T13:04:00.000-08:00

Mona Eltahawy is a columnist reporting on issues in the Arab world, including those effecting women. This is a fascinating article about domestic violence and the pressure to protect the honor of "community" over protecting women.
The sister we missed
MONA ELTAHAWY

From Tuesday's Globe and Mail

KUALA LUMPUR — Aasiya Hassan was probably beheaded in a Buffalo suburb just hours before the Malaysian Muslim women's group Sisters in Islam brought us together this month for the launch of Musawah, a global movement for justice and equality in Muslim families. Justice and equality were likely in short shrift for Ms. Hassan, who had filed for divorce and obtained a restraining order against her husband a week before police found her body.

And from March 5, 2009 in The Daily Beast, which has relevance for all cultures, and all women and children dealing with domestic abuse...

While preserving privacy, Malik’s wife, Sarwat Malik, a physician who also knew about Muzzammil Hassan’s history of domestic violence, says that this dynamic comes with a high socio-psychological cost: “Everyone is suffering in silos. This should change. Women are battered in all cultures, and the common factor is the social sanction of violence against women. As a community, we must bear a collective responsibility of keeping everyone safe. It cannot be done by a few organizations. It must be done by all, working together. We need to make it a whole community affair. Everyone must speak out that violence will not be tolerated.”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-02-23/deadly-family-secrets/3/

Teenagers Blame Rihanna

2009-03-05T13:01:00.000-08:00

Tainted Love: Teenagers Claim It's Rihanna's Fault
Source: jezebel.com
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=52349123190&h=0jjJ4&u=T_U6J

A reader tipped us to this Chicago Tribune article, wherein teenage girls claim that not only are they not surprised by the violent attack Rihanna has suffered, but they actually blame her for her injuries.

Thanks to Claire for bringing this to my attention. It doesn't surprise me that young women are blaming Rihanna, and in turn blaming themselves for violence in their relationships. We have a culture of young women who accept sexual violence as the norm, and a culture of young men who are not asked to be accountable for their behavior. This happens because we don't include consent and respect in the "safe sex" conversation, if we're allowed to discuss sexual education, our justice system permits a rape-prone society when juries decide rape cases, we encourage hyper-masculinity and sexual dominance in our media, and we slash funding aimed at educating and empowering young women and men.

I want to highlight the work of Men Can Stope Rape for their focus on educating young men and creating allies, and the work of the Internet Sexuality Information Service (ISIS-Inc) that harnesses mobile technology to educate youth about safe sex.

Protest

2009-01-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

I wonder what those young male soldiers are thinking, standing eye to eye with a young woman whose city is in flames. Do they even speak the same language?

Doing lots of this ...

2009-01-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

Jelly

2008-12-01T07:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry to be out of touch and not reporting on anything that interesting.

Just back from a conference in Paris, where I presented in garbled French and pigeon English for a few hours about a subject I will always be somewhat up to date on. The Radical Underground Jewish Culture. Presenting this in Paris, where a Jewish 'cultural' life is impossible, is like shooting fish in a barrel. Show them homo erotic renderings of Rahm Emanuel and you're good.

Now that I'm back at home, I'm researching wedding venues, cheap hotels for my friends on a budget, Producers Initiatives in San Francisco, education and outreach components for the film and other means to make a living and a wedding.

Most importantly, am waiting to begin the final edits of the film to submit for three festivals in the next weeks... so ALMOST THERE but feel like a grasshopper stuck in Aspic.

Never in my life have things felt so so so much like gestation/waiting/nurturing/preparing and almost thereing. Has its own challenges, but I'm lucky to not be (too) broke right now, with a roof over my head and the means to complete the several tasks at hand.

OH -- and in other news -- I'm not moving to Philadelphia. That was a momentarily lapse of reason (real estate! change! family!) and I'm back to my Brooklyn senses.

South Philly v. Tel Aviv?

2008-10-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

The weird thing is that after watching "Waltz With Bashir" an incredible animated documentary that opened at the New York Film Festival about the horrors of war and the Israeli filmmaker's experience as a soldier witnessing the Sabra and Shatila massacre in Lebanon, I missed Israel.

As usual.

It makes no fucking sense.

I had this sense of proximity, this "almost" feeling of what if I had chosen my life to be there, in a little house, with a hammock, with cigarettes and intense friendships and love affairs and conversations that last until the morning. The military a constant hum in the background, my kids running barefoot along the beach hopefully growing up to be refusniks.

Meanwhile, back in reality, on Tuesday, Isaac and I spent the day in South Philly looking at possible places to own and live in. Scary thing is that we really liked it. Amazing little houses, great atmosphere, delicious food, funny people, good bars ... and all the sudden my nightmare is manifesting: "I'll never live in Philly, ever, ever, ever" and well, we may actually do it.

WTF?

Sara Silverman Rallies the Grandkids

2008-09-25T07:48:00.001-07:00

This is a great video ... all you college kids with Bubbes in Florida,
GO VISIT NANA AND POP POP AND MAKE THEM VOTE FOR OBAMA!

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0908/Oy.html?showall

Puberty is Age of Sexual Consent?

2008-09-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

According to Tony Alamo, a recently arrested evangelical preacher living in Arkansas, PUBERTY is the age of sexual consent.

What is it with these Biblical compounds and their obsession with marrying off children? Is that really the most salient message they can dig up in the Bible? It's also interesting that the definition of consent here has only to do with the age in which an adult can force a child into marraige/sex. Nothing to do with actual choice or consent.

http://us.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/23/alamo.evangelist.raid.ap/index.html

Save Coney Island!

2008-09-19T11:28:00.007-07:00

Last Sunday was an homage to the soon to be changed Coney Island. After the sale of Astroland for real estate development, we spent the day drinking and dancing and marveling her glory.

Live Human Target!

2008-09-19T11:28:00.006-07:00

“Shoot the Freak” is the amusement of all amusements. The announcer is in the middle and a semi-disrobed freak on the left. Grab your gun, load it with paintball and try and nail him! Watch out for movie stars.

...and then politics

2008-09-19T11:28:00.005-07:00

"Do you see the American flag pin on my hat? Whaddyou think I’m going to vote for the half-black guy half-white guy in the election?"
-- Joe, from Brooklyn

Wepa!

2008-09-19T11:28:00.004-07:00

Now this is America!

2008-09-19T11:28:00.003-07:00

The bride and groom took an unexpected turn on the boardwalk, and stumbled into the Coney Island Dancer party brigade!

I'm not namin names....

2008-09-19T11:28:00.002-07:00

“I’m not namin’ names” took this picture. A retired production manager from Hollywood told me some sordid tales of life on set and off, but uh, “I’m not namin’ names if you know what I mean…” captured me and Susie are in our element!

a little 60's rock n' roll

2008-09-19T11:28:00.001-07:00

...and then the bikers

2008-09-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

We must look at the systems of power in our society, and recognize that we must train men not to be perpetrators.
-- Lenard J. Hebert II, from Harlem

Priceless Advice from DAD

2008-09-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Nancy,

Congratulations on your speaking engagements. Remember who is supposed to be the most famous in the family. I looked at my C.V. today and saw that I have given three hundred talks so far in my career. I won't have to worry about you for a while. This is really good and will help you. Get that film out. Find a very romantic spot and get pregnant. Just a few reminders. My chief resident was complaining tonight that her parents were bothering her about these issues so I could n o longer restrain myself. Valerie thought that you were great. She wrote mom a very sweet note about you. I think you are too.

Love,
Dad

Coney Island Farewell...

2008-09-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

Time to say goodbye to the boys of summer... our teenage patriots clutching the glorious American Dream! I think that Sarah Palin would approve.

Bunny Ranch and the Virgin Auction.

2008-09-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

Looks like the Bunny Ranch is in the news again. Dennis Hof has kindly offered to host a 22 year old student who is auctioning off her virginity (at 22? that's like a world record for an American girl) to pay off her college debt. Her sister is also working as a prostitute at the Bunny Ranch to pay off her college debt...

This has become a discussion about capitalism and her desire to exploit herself -- and folks "disapprove" of her tactics, but no one mentions the enormous cost of college education and the reality that many women who get into sex work are paying off college debt!

MAKE EDUCATION MORE AFFORDABLE!

Student auctions virginity, sparks online debate
Thu Sep 11, 2008 12:38am EDT

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A 22-year-old woman in the United States is publicly auctioning her virginity to pay for her college education, sparking a heated online debate about sex and morality.

The student from San Diego, California, who is using the pseudonym Natalie Dylan for "safety reasons," said she had no moral dilemma with her decision and found it "empowering".

But few bloggers sided with her and some suspected her intentions.

"I don't think auctioning my virginity will solve all my problems," she told celebrity television show The Insider on Wednesday. "But it will create some financial stability. I'm ready for the controversy, I know it will come along. I'm ready to do this."

"We live in a capitalist society. Why shouldn't I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?" she added.

The woman, who has earned a bachelor degree in women's studies and now wants to start a master's degree in marriage and family therapy, is hoping the bidding will hit $1 million.

The online auction site eBay turned her down so the auction will take place at a Nevada brothel, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, where her sister is working to pay off her college debts.

The date for the auction was not immediately available.

In a flurry of media interviews and appearances, she admitted that her mother, a fourth grade teacher, does not agree with her decision. Many on the Internet also disapprove.

"Maybe this is the conservative in me coming out, but this seems so wrong," wrote one blogger, Mike. "Isn't this prostitution?"

"I must say I feel sad for the future of our society," said Mike from Montclair State University in New Jersey.

"What disgusts me about this whole thing is the fact that she is promoting it so heavily. It seems less about having some guy pay for her virginity and more about trying to get her 15 minutes and a reality show," said a blogger called "Ent Lawyer".

She does have her supporters -- not surprisingly Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.

"I think it's a tremendous idea. Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?" he told reporters.

(Writing by Belinda Goldsmith, Editing by Miral Fahmy)

My Official Hellen Mirren response:

2008-09-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

Although I don't disagree with her, perhaps what she meant to say was that our current justice system is not built to handle these cases, nor would a woman necessarily want to prosecute in court. She neglected to mention that men should face consequences for their actions, and women have the right to justice. These actions should not go unacknowledged or unpunished simply because there is a lack of capability and willlingness in our society to deal with sexual violence.

Sadly, she's emblematic of the generation where women did not have the right to come forward, and as we all know, when they do come forward - they are blamed. I think we'd be hard pressed to find one functioning justice system that doesn't do a massive disservice to victims.

She forgot to add that men should face consequences and women should see justice...

2008-09-01T08:31:00.001-07:00

Below is an article interviewing Hellen Mirren about date-rape and my response:

Although I don't disagree with her, perhaps what she meant to say was that our current justice system is not built to handle these cases, nor would a woman necessarily want to prosecute in court. She neglected to mention that men should face consequences for their actions, and women have the right to justice. These actions should not go unacknowledged or unpunished simply because there is a lack of capability and willlingness in our society to deal with sexual violence.

Sadly, she's emblematic of the generation where women did not have the right to come forward, and as we all know, when they do come forward - they are blamed. I think we'd be hard pressed to find one functioning justice system that doesn't do a massive disservice to victims.

Mirren under fire over 'date rape' comments
Actor says 'date rape' is a tricky area that need not lead to prosecution

Dame Helen Mirren came under heavy criticism today after she suggested that women subjected to "date rape" could not expect their attacker to be charged.

The Oscar-winning actor said she had been date raped on several occasions, but said it was a "tricky" area that need not lead to prosecution.

Vera Baird, the solicitor-general, described Mirren's remarks as "dangerous" at a time when rape victims were being encouraged to come forward.

"We want women to report rape with the confidence that – albeit slowly – conviction rates are getting better. It really is a shame to cast doubt at the edges of what she thinks might not be rape."

She added: "It is a pity, because she is a much-admired person."

In an interview with GQ magazine, Mirren spoke about her own experiences.

"I was (date raped), yes. A couple of times. Not with excessive violence, or being hit, but rather being locked in a room and made to have sex against my will."

Asked if she reported the incidents, which took place when she was younger, to the police, the 63-year-old replied: "No, you couldn't do that in those days. It's such a tricky area, isn't it? Especially if there is no violence. I mean, look at Mike Tyson. I don't think he was a rapist."

Former heavyweight champion Tyson was sentenced to six years in prison in 1992 for raping a Miss Black America beauty contestant in an Indiana hotel room.

Mirren said that if a woman voluntarily ended up in a man's bedroom, took all her clothes off and engaged in sexual activity in bed with him she had the right to say "no" at the last second, but if the man ignored her it was rape.

But she went on: "I don't think she can have that man into court under those circumstances. I guess it is one of the many subtle parts of the men/women relationship that has to be negotiated and worked out between them."

Mirren, who won an Oscar last year for her portrayal of the Queen, said attitudes among young women had changed for the better.

"I love the fierceness of young girls nowadays, and the way they just say, 'fuck off', because I wish I'd been taught to say 'fuck off' when I was younger.

"I wish I'd had those words in my arsenal of self-defence. Instead, I was polite and didn't have the courage to say that to men who wouldn't accept 'no' for an answer."

She added: "I was pretty naive, I went to a convent school until I was 18, and had never spent a night away from home, or gone to parties, or any of that.

"So I was very innocent when I went to college in London, and I was living on my own. And I found guys were horrible, mean, rude, insulting, and so without feeling.

"And I was looking for love and for someone who just liked me, made me laugh and was nice to me. And instead I just met all these creeps."

Clearly I'm procrastinating

2008-05-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

I have not blogged in ages... and I guess I'll admit it now, but primarily because I'm less and less comfortable with being so public and personal. Not to mention my addiction to facebook, and that I'm working on AVID far more than being on the internet. Up above, I'm channeling the spirit of Bette Davis through her tiny hand prints in concrete.

That said, I'm definitely procrastinating. Nursing a small hangover from last night's going away party. My college friend is moving to Amsterdam and last night was the college reunion that none of us bothered to go to.

I have an online application due at midnight for the Independent Feature Project and it's now almost 3pm. I've got the bulk of the content, it's basically just trimming it and dividing it. The super hard work of the film sample has been cut in early May and then re-refined Monday and Tuesday. It's just the sad attempts to be articulate that remain. In my sorry state on this beautiful day I've ventured out once for a huge jug of water and then ordered some serious low end Chinois cuisine. In French it sounds better.

Speaking of French, saw my Frenchie boys in SF last week and couldn't choke out a word, but last night I was completely fluent and debating sexual politics with a man named Laurent, who proves that WOW the French are way more fucked up about sex than we are. Ok, maybe not "way more" but we're even in different ways. This is a man who has done his homework, ie. he read the Kobe Bryant rape trial transcripts. So he's no fool, but he does think the "American way" of fooling around, getting naked, but then not having intercourse, is perverse. And he stopped himself before actually saying it, but thinks that for sure a woman owes a man if she's gotten him up to a cetain point. Susie and I did not agree.

He seemed really eager to continue the conversation, but my friend from college wanted to discuss his discomfort in finding out that he works for a right-wing crony of George Bush.

So it wasn't all just late night debauchery, there were some multi-lingual politique sexuelle in the melange. I tell you.

Spitzer Gone Wild

2008-03-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

So much has been said of the downfall of our governor Eliot Spitzer and his 22 year old prostitute, but what I find most fascinating is her past history on a Girls Gone Wild Bus.

The 22 year old call-girl fits all the cliches of a prostitute: a runaway from a troubled home, abuse, and aspirations of stardom.

What's contemporary and freaky about her path is a particular stop along the way, where she debuted her assets on a Girls Gone Wild bus with pornographer Joe Francis and his horny cameramen. Pictures of her in a baseball hat and a tank top at 18 years look like a normal, American Jersey girl - but the newer porny-er edition. They juxtapose strangely with the claims that she's a high class call-girl.

She went from flashing her tits for free to charging $2000 an hour. And now stands to gain a few million dollars for taking pictures.

How many American girls would kill to be in her position?

This Article is Really Sad

2008-02-29T06:35:00.000-08:00

For the first time in the nation’s history, more than one in 100 American adults is behind bars, according to a new report.

Nationwide, the prison population grew by 25,000 last year, bringing it to almost 1.6 million. Another 723,000 people are in local jails. The number of American adults is about 230 million, meaning that one in every 99.1 adults is behind bars.

Incarceration rates are even higher for some groups. One in 36 Hispanic adults is behind bars, based on Justice Department figures for 2006. One in 15 black adults is, too, as is one in nine black men between the ages of 20 and 34.

The report, from the Pew Center on the States, also found that only one in 355 white women between the ages of 35 and 39 are behind bars but that one in 100 black women are.

The report’s methodology differed from that used by the Justice Department, which calculates the incarceration rate by using the total population rather than the adult population as the denominator. Using the department’s methodology, about one in 130 Americans is behind bars.

Either way, said Susan Urahn, the center’s managing director, “we aren’t really getting the return in public safety from this level of incarceration.”

But Paul Cassell, a law professor at the University of Utah and a former federal judge, said the Pew report considered only half of the cost-benefit equation and overlooked the “very tangible benefits — lower crime rates.”

In the past 20 years, according the Federal Bureau of Investigation, violent crime rates fell by 25 percent, to 464 for every 100,000 people in 2007 from 612.5 in 1987.

“While we certainly want to be smart about who we put into prisons,” Professor Cassell said, “it would be a mistake to think that we can release any significant number of prisoners without increasing crime rates. One out of every 100 adults is behind bars because one out of every 100 adults has committed a serious criminal offense.”

Ms. Urahn said the nation cannot afford the incarceration rate documented in the report. “We tend to be a country in which incarceration is an easy response to crime,” she said. “Being tough on crime is an easy position to take, particularly if you have the money. And we did have the money in the ‘80s and ‘90s.”

Now, with fewer resources available, the report said, “prison costs are blowing a hole in state budgets.” On average, states spend almost 7 percent on their budgets on corrections, trailing only healthcare, education and transportation.

In 2007, according to the National Association of State Budgeting Officers, states spent $44 billion in tax dollars on corrections. That is up from $10.6 billion in 1987, a 127 increase once adjusted for inflation. With money from bonds and the federal government included, total state spending on corrections last year was $49 billion. By 2011, the report said, states are on track to spend an additional $25 billion.

It cost an average of $23,876 dollars to imprison someone in 2005, the most recent year for which data were available. But state spending varies widely, from $45,000 a year in Rhode Island to $13,000 in Louisiana.

The cost of medical care is growing by 10 percent annually, the report said, and will accelerate as the prison population ages.

About one in nine state government employees works in corrections, and some states are finding it hard to fill those jobs. California spent more than $500 million on overtime alone in 2006.

The number of prisoners in California dropped by 4,000 last year, making Texas’s prison system the nation’s largest, at about 172,000. But the Texas legislature last year approved broad changes to the corrections system there, including expansions of drug treatment programs and drug courts and revisions to parole practices.

“Our violent offenders, we lock them up for a very long time — rapists, murderers, child molestors,” said John Whitmire, a Democratic state senator from Houston and the chairman of the state senate’s criminal justice committee. “The problem was that we weren’t smart about nonviolent offenders. The legislature finally caught up with the public.”

He gave an example.

“We have 5,500 D.W.I offenders in prison,” he said, including people caught driving under the influence who had not been in an accident. “They’re in the general population. As serious as drinking and driving is, we should segregate them and give them treatment.”

The Pew report recommended diverting nonviolent offenders away from prison and using punishments short of reincarceration for minor or technical violations of probation or parole. It also urged states to consider earlier release of some prisoners.

Before the recent changes in Texas, Mr. Whitmire said, “we were recycling nonviolent offenders.”

AMAZING ACTIVITIES FOR V-DAY

2008-02-21T08:58:00.000-08:00

{ Friday, April 11 } { Saturday, April 12 }

Katrina exposed what was going on in New Orleans and the Gulf South: the lack of resources, the lack of care for its poor in general and its women in particular. There are so many reasons to have V to the 10th in New Orleans, from the vanishing wetlands to the man-made levee failures that flooded the city to the abandonment and complete neglect of human beings. Violence against women was committed physically, economically and environmentally. We need to celebrate New Orleans, cherish it, protect it, just as we do our vaginas, and make sure it goes on and on. We are showing up for the Katrina Warriors, the women of New Orleans and Gulf South who have kept their communities alive with devotion, hard work, sacrifice, humor and wit.

Join us for two days of revolutionary conversations, slam poets, singers, performers, storytelling, astounding art, and love (free massage, support groups, yoga, massage, meditation, makeovers and more!). We will reclaim the Superdome and transform it into SUPERLOVE!
Join:
Ai-Jen Poo
Ali Larter
Alice Craft-Kerney
Alix Olson
Amber Tamblyn
Amy Goodman
Anne Veneman
Anne-Liese Juge Fox
Asali Devan
Asia Rainey
Bart Scott
Brandi Fleury
Brenda Currin
Brenda Dardar Roubichaux
Carol Bebelle
CC Carter
Chester Hartman
Chris Garneau
Chris Quinn
Christine Deschryver
Colette Pichon-Battle
Crystal Kile
Cynthia Trejo
Denese Shervington
Doria Roberts
Dr. Denis Mukwege
Dr. Johnnetta Cole
Elizabeth Lesser
Esta Sola Frederick Delahousaye
Gabriella Roth
Gabrilla Ballard
Hibaaq Osman
Jane Fonda
Jennifer Buffet
Jimmie Briggs
Jodie Evans
Joe Strettell
John O'Neal
Judith Rodin
Julia Stiles
Karel Sloan-Boekbinder
Karen-kaia Livers
Kerry Washington
Kim Crenshaw
Kim Rosen
Laura Flanders
Lenelle Moise
Letonia Jones
Luke Harris
Majora Carter
Malalai Joya
Mardi Gras Indian youth
Marily Mondejaar
Mark Matousek
Marlin Mousseau
Matt Petersen
Monique Harden Nancy Redd
Naomi Klein
Negat Rizvi
Oraia Reid
Pam Deshiell
Pat Mitchell
Paula Allen
Paulette Cole
Peter Buffet
Quentin Walcott
Rada Boric
Rebecca A. Chaisson
Rebecca Hoffberger
Rev. Lois Dejan
Rha Goddess
Rita Smith
Ritu Sharma Fox
Rosario Dawson
Roshi Joan Hallifax
Sara Gould
Shana Griffin
Sunni Paterson
Stephen Glaude
Stephen Lewis
Suheir Hammad
Suze Orman
Thorey Vilhjalmsdottir
Troi Bechet
Yanar Mohammed
Zoya
ON THE FLOOR OF THE SUPERDOME:

Storytelling, curated by Anne-Liese Juge Fox, in a Red Tent installation created by Paulette Cole of ABC Home and Carpet

An alter honoring those who were lost in the flood made by local artists

A diverse global art installation by curator Rebecca Hoffberger of the American Visionary Art Museum

Oprah & Friends Radio - Interviewing attendees, stars and more
IN THE CARING SUITES

One of the reasons of doing SUPERLOVE is to give to the women of New Orleans a moment of relief, love, and much-needed nurturing for all they have carried since the flood. Volunteers from across the country will be coming to New Orleans to donate two days of free yoga, massage, healing circles, medical testing, referrals and medical information, and voter registration.
ACTIVIST GATHERINGS

V-Day activists from around the world will gather in the Activist Suite, where people will share information, strategize and meet, sometimes for the very first time. We will be bringing activists from over 30 countries, including Afghanistan, Congo, Iraq, Guatemala, Philippines, Kenya, and Mexico.
SCHEDULE

subject to change

{ Friday, April 11 } { Saturday, April 12 }
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© 2008 V-Day

Inspired!

2008-02-09T16:55:00.001-08:00

Had a fabulous experience at "Making Your Media Matter" conference in Washington DC... a jam packed day of panels and conversations about filmmaking, rabble rousing, committment to creating cultural change through films and new platforms.

Why this conference was good:

1) Everyone there has been slaving away on their docs for at least six years

2) Nobody looked over my shoulder to see if anyone more interesting was around

3) The projects are inspiring, important, well articulated and funny

4) Chicks ruled the day! One after another, powerful media women in the house

It all made up for the lack of coffee and the 5 a.m. train I took to get there.

Viva indy media.

a week long bender ... and Manhattan updates

2008-01-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

Now that my baby is in Memphis, I had one hell of a week. I inundated myself with outings, socializing, bars, dancing, drinking (too much drinking) and sleep overs. I became reacquainted with the world of "going out." Makes me wonder what the hell I've been doing for the past two months. I know what I've been doing... nesting with my baby, going to sleep at a decent hour, watching the Muppet Show, cooking, etc.

Some of my exploits include closing out a gay bar until 5am for Greg's birthday, closing out Employees Only then venturing to a shut down but then opened private little restaurant and bar until dawn with Jenni, an east village walkabout in search of the "perfect place" but settling for grungy 7b with Catie in her fur bear hat and a bunch of drunk NPR producers... and somewhere in between sleep overs with Mel and Dana that included ordering in, staying up late, and little pastries for breakfast. It's been fun, but I'm back on instant coffee again and feeling the effects of the long lost "hang over" on my everyday life.

Now I'm getting serious with gathering broll footage for "The Line" which will include gathering couples interacting, men / women flirting at bars, gestures and looks to use as visual proof for the film. I went on a scouting mission/pub crawl with my friend the lightweight Jacob last night. Our conculsion: McSorley's perfect light for filming, but ALL MEN DRINKING. Basically the weather is effecting the ladies? No one was out, every bar was all dudes and they weren't gay bars. I thought Saturday would be a nightmare, but Thursday was dead. So conclusion: Saturday in winter, Thursday other seasons.

Another realization being out with Jenni in Manhattan's most hi-falutin' places is that this town has become a rich man's tightly scripted snooze fest. Everyone is so concerned with fitting the "Sex and the City" script -- the right boots, the right sweater, the right shoes, the right iphone, the right blown out hair, that there is no orginality, no surprise, no humor, and really no fun in the matter. The word "fabulous" is tossed around exhasutively to really just mean "expensive" or "approved of by bitchy gay men or bitchy insecure women." I'm not going to get down on this great land, but I simply wonder, are other cities more fun? Because right now - the concrete isle, not including Brooklyn - makes me tense, tired and pissy.

I think it's a problem in the larger culture that there's no space for women to be, coined by my friend Mollie, "confused, fat and funny" too. We're stuck with Judd Apetow movies where the guys are frizzy, fat and funny - but the high school chicks are perfectly composed, incredibly cute and acting as avatars for these losers to reach enlightenment.

In some ways I'm pissed because I wore a damn cute outfit last night - including striped tights, and a hot wrap dress, and got no love from men or women. I got sized up and down, dismissed or challenged, and I'm just trying to have some fun.

Or maybe I'm just trying to film you being an asshole when drinking or trying to pick up the opposite sex...

Politics and Misogyny

2008-01-15T21:31:00.000-08:00

Politics and Misogyny

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By BOB HERBERT
Published: January 15, 2008

With Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s win in New Hampshire, gender issues are suddenly in the news. Where has everybody been?
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If there was ever a story that deserved more coverage by the news media, it’s the dark persistence of misogyny in America. Sexism in its myriad destructive forms permeates nearly every aspect of American life. For many men, it’s the true national pastime, much bigger than baseball or football.

Little attention is being paid to the toll that misogyny takes on society in general, and women and girls in particular.

Its forms are limitless. Hard-core pornography is a multibillion-dollar business, having spread far beyond the stereotyped raincoat crowd to anyone with a laptop and a password. Crowds of crazed photographers risk life and limb to get shots of Paris Hilton or Britney Spears without their underwear. At New York Jets home games, men regularly gather at Gate D to urge female fans to expose themselves.

In its grimmest aspects, misogyny manifests itself in hideous violence — from brutal beatings and rape to outright torture and murder. Fifteen months ago, a gunman invaded an Amish schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania, separated the girls from the boys, and then shot 10 of the girls, killing five.

The cable news channels revel in stories about women (almost always young and attractive) who come to a gruesome end at the hands of violent men. The stories seldom, if ever, raise the issue of misogyny, which permeates not just the crimes themselves, but the coverage as well.

The latest of these obsessively covered stories concerned a pregnant marine, Maria Frances Lauterbach, who had complained to authorities that she had been raped by a fellow marine. Her body was found last week buried in a backyard fire pit in North Carolina.

It just so happens that the Democratic presidential candidates are campaigning this week in the misogyny capital of America: Nevada. It’s a perfect place to bring up the way women are viewed and treated in this society, but don’t hold your breath. Presidential wannabes are hardly in the habit of insulting the locals.

Prostitution is legal in much of Nevada and heavily promoted even where it’s not. In Las Vegas, where prostitution is illegal but flourishes nevertheless, Mayor Oscar Goodman has said that creating a series of legal, “magnificent” brothels would be a great development tool for his city.

The fundamental problem in all of this is that women and girls are dehumanized, opening the floodgates to every kind of mistreatment. “Once you dehumanize somebody, everything else is possible,” said Taina Bien-Aimé, executive director of the women’s advocacy group Equality Now.

A grotesque exercise in the dehumanization of women is carried out routinely at Sheri’s Ranch, a legal brothel about an hour’s ride outside of Vegas. There the women have to respond like Pavlov’s dog to an electronic bell that might ring at any hour of the day or night. At the sound of the bell, the prostitutes have five minutes to get to an assembly area where they line up, virtually naked, and submit to a humiliating inspection by any prospective customer who has happened to drop by.

If you don’t think this is an issue worthy of a presidential campaign, consider the scandalous way that women are treated in the military and the fact that the winner of this election will become the commander in chief.

The sexual mistreatment of women in the military is widespread. The Defense Department financed a study in 2003 of female veterans seeking health assistance from the Department of Veterans Affairs. Nearly a third of those surveyed said they had been the victim of a rape or attempted rape during their service.

The Associated Press reported in 2006 that more than 80 military recruiters had been disciplined over the course of a year because of sexual misconduct with young women and girls who had considered joining the military.

There continue to be widespread complaints from women about rape and other forms of sexual attacks in the military, and about a culture that tends to protect the attackers.

To what extent are the candidates of either party concerned about these matters? Do they have any sense of how extensive and debilitating the mistreatment of women and girls really is?

We’ve become so used to the disrespectful, degrading, contemptuous and even violent treatment of women that we hardly notice it. Staggering amounts of violence are unleashed against women and girls every day. Fashionable ads in mainstream publications play off of that violence, exploiting themes of death and dismemberment, female submissiveness and child pornography.

If we’ve opened the door to the issue of sexism in the presidential campaign, then let’s have at it. It’s a big and important issue that deserves much more than lip service.

Sex and the Teen-age Girl

2008-01-14T06:12:00.001-08:00

By CAITLIN FLANAGAN
Published: January 13, 2008

Los Angeles

THE movie “Juno” is a fairy tale about a pregnant teenager who decides to have her baby, place it for adoption and then get on with her life. For the most part, the tone of the movie is comedic and jolly, but there is a moment when Juno tells her father about her condition, and he shakes his head in disappointment and says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.”

Female viewers flinch when he says it, because his words lay bare the bitterly unfair truth of sexuality: female desire can bring with it a form of punishment no man can begin to imagine, and so it is one appetite women and girls must always regard with caution. Because Juno let her guard down and had a single sexual experience with a sweet, well-intentioned boy, she alone is left with this ordeal of sorrow and public shame.

In the movie, the moment passes. Juno finds a yuppie couple eager for a baby, and when the woman tries to entice her with the promise of an open adoption, the girl shakes her head adamantly: “Can’t we just kick it old school? I could just put the baby in a basket and send it your way. You know, like Moses in the reeds.”

It’s a hilarious moment, and the sentiment turns out to be genuine. The final scene of the movie shows Juno and her boyfriend returned to their carefree adolescence, the baby — safely in the hands of his rapturous and responsible new mother — all but forgotten. Because I’m old enough now that teenage movie characters evoke a primarily maternal response in me (my question during the film wasn’t “What would I do in that situation?” but “What would I do if my daughter were in that situation?”), the last scene brought tears to my eyes. To see a young daughter, faced with the terrible fact of a pregnancy, unscathed by it and completely her old self again was magical.

And that’s why “Juno” is a fairy tale. As any woman who has ever chosen (or been forced) to kick it old school can tell you, surrendering a baby whom you will never know comes with a steep and lifelong cost. Nor is an abortion psychologically or physically simple. It is an invasive and frightening procedure, and for some adolescent girls it constitutes part of their first gynecological exam. I know grown women who’ve wept bitterly after abortions, no matter how sound their decisions were. How much harder are these procedures for girls, whose moral and emotional universe is just taking shape?

Even the much-discussed pregnancy of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears reveals the rudely unfair toll that a few minutes of pleasure can exact on a girl. The very fact that the gossip magazines are still debating the identity of the father proves again that the burden of sex is the woman’s to bear. He has a chance to maintain his privacy, but if she becomes pregnant by mistake, soon all the world will know.

Pregnancy robs a teenager of her girlhood. This stark fact is one reason girls used to be so carefully guarded and protected — in a system that at once limited their horizons and safeguarded them from devastating consequences. The feminist historian Joan Jacobs Brumberg has written that “however prudish and ‘uptight’ the Victorians were, our ancestors had a deep commitment to girls.”

We, too, have a deep commitment to girls, and ours centers not on protecting their chastity, but on supporting their ability to compete with boys, to be free — perhaps for the first time in history — from the restraints that kept women from achieving on the same level. Now we have to ask ourselves this question: Does the full enfranchisement of girls depend on their being sexually liberated? And if it does, can we somehow change or diminish among the very young the trauma of pregnancy, the occasional result of even safe sex?

Biology is destiny, and the brutally unfair outcome that adolescent sexuality can produce will never change. Twenty years ago, I taught high school in a town near New Orleans. There was a girls’ bathroom next to my classroom, which was more convenient for me than the faculty one on the other side of campus. In the last stall, carved deeply into the metal box reserved for used sanitary napkins, was the single word “Please.”

Whoever had written it had taken a long time; the word was etched so deeply into the metal that she must have worked on it over several days, hiding in there on hall passes or study breaks, desperate. I never knew who wrote it, or when, but I always knew exactly what that anonymous girl meant. When I looked out over the girls moving through the hallways between classes, I wondered if she was among them, and I hoped that her prayer had been answered.

Caitlin Flanagan, the author of “To Hell With All That,” is working on a book about the emotional lives of pubescent girls.

It's been ages...

2008-01-07T14:39:00.000-08:00

I've really fallen off here... we're already in January. The New Year has begun. I'm batch digitizing a bunch of footage of my family - home (the ancestral home, I like to call it). Looking at old baby pictures and feeling incredibly self indulgent. Who the hell wants to look at baby pictures of me? They will, if I pick the right one and plunk it in at the right moment, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be happy I did this. It will be relevant, je promesse.

But in the meantime, I'm pacing, making hummus, and typing on the computer. Cameraman gears up to shoot in Memphis this Friday, and I'm making lots and lots of plans. The 24/7 boy will fly the coop for two months, and that may be a shock to the system. I'll be hopefully close with my rough cut and starting to interview editors to get my fundraising sample tape in order. This new round of interviews should be fun, as I'm much clearer on where I want to go with this project.

Am threatening to come to L.A. for a fundraising trip to, just have to locate WOMEN with MONEY. Otherwise, well, then, it's just a friendly trip to L.A. and I'll shake my tin cup and come back empty handed. Not so productive.

Well, my neighbor's yappy scrappy dog is at it again, and I'm thinking of flattening the little critter with my boots. Or maybe just a quick and stealthy hurl out of the window?

Apartment living...so, so fine.

Is "privacy" relevant?

2007-12-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

YOUNG WOMEN DRINK, PARTY, POST

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- On a Facebook group that celebrates young women getting drunk, there's no such thing as going too far.
art.facebook.cnn.jpg

A Facebook page where young women post drunken images of themselves has nearly 5,000 photos.

One young woman dances on top of a bar. Another sits on the toilet drinking a beer. Several vomit. One appears with a bruised and bandaged face ("I just got drunk and fell out of a car," she writes.). In another photo, two women urinate into a waterfall.

What you won't find on this page -- called "Thirty Reasons Girls Should Call it a Night" -- is humiliation and embarrassment. For the most part, the women post the photos themselves, seemingly with pride. This makes many adults -- teachers, counselors, parents -- worry that students aren't thinking through the consequences of showing themselves drunk to the world.

Many photos on the site are accompanied by full names and the colleges the women attend, apparently without much concern that parents, or potential employers, will take a look.

"You can't overstate how unthinking these kids are at 18, 19, 20 years old," said Robert L. Carothers, president of the University of Rhode Island, and a former member of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism's Committee on Campus Drinking. "They're not a thoughtful bunch, by and large."

But a moderator of the group, who asked that her name not be used, said not to take it too seriously. "It's just something fun to do," she said. "You need to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes."

Carothers said that at URI, advisers tell students not to post photos of themselves drunk, reminding them these pictures can be accessed for years to come.

Often, he says, students don't listen. "I've told them, 'Look, these pictures are evidence you're doing something illegal,' and mainly they say 'Oh, I never thought about that.' Sometimes they say, 'That's who I am,' " Carothers said.

Forty percent of college students binge drink, according to a report this year by the Center on Alcohol and Substance Abuse. The report lists many ramifications of college binge drinking, including injuries, sexual violence and vandalism. In addition, college students who reported having considered suicide were more likely to be active binge drinkers.

The Facebook group doesn't talk much about these problems. It has more than 172,000 members, and nearly 5,000 photos.

The group's moderator said she knows some people look down on her and other women in the group, but it doesn't bother her.

"[They think we're] sloppy, unladylike, low class,'" she wrote in a recent instant message conversation. "[But] I've noticed when college boys do stupid things when they're drunk, they're just being boys."
Health Library

* MayoClinic.com: Mental health

The moderator has posted two photos of herself on the site: one with two beer bottles in her mouth, and another of her lying in the fetal position next to a toilet.

She said it does worry her that future employers could see these photos when she applies for a job. "I know an employer won't [realize] I know how to separate work and personal time, and I have no intentions of being wrapped around a toilet at a job."

Another member of the Facebook group is more cautious. Laura, a 22-year-old business major, took down a drunken video of herself after being contacted by CNN for an interview, saying the request made her realize anyone could see her video.

She'd already made changes on her MySpace page after her parents saw a video there of her drinking. She made her MySpace page private, so only invited friends could look.

"It's good [my parents] saw it," said Laura, who asked that her last name not be used. "It's better they saw it than a potential employer.

Latke Blowout!

2007-12-10T08:17:00.001-08:00

Last night was an amazing fried potato party... sure, I smell greasy, sure I burnt my forearm, sure I drank too much, but a small group of us managed to feed about 150 hungry, drinking people. I hosted with a few friends and we christened and rechristened Sandi's apartment.

Hightlights: sitting on the rafters of Sandi's loft, lighting candles and having the service led by a bearded rabbinical looking Hasid, the appearance of Ariel Kove, the only 2 year old at the party, and sharing this crazy drum playing, potato frying love-making Jew world with the cameraman...

2007-11-19T07:59:00.001-08:00

It seems like ever since I quit my job and moved to Brooklyn, my life has improved dramatically! I am phenomenally UN-stuck. My weekends have been filled with adventure, I'm much more open to the new, the odd, and the strange of it all. Get un-blocked, it rocks....

It recent nights, there have been:

A beer pitcher fueled night of bowling at Sunset Park's Melody Lanes... where the gay teens mingle with the Hasidic teens as the 80's rock blares.

Roller Derby championships at uptown City College, watching our girl Bonnie Thunders jam her way to the championships as the Bronx Gridlock squeezed by the Queens of Pain to an action packed victory. Punctuated by the Hungry March Band.

Sanduny Baths USA , a short ride (for me) on my bike to the Mecca of Russian baths in deep Brooklyn - clean, large, oak leaves, steam caps, bikini girls, Russian thugs, chunky Jews and Brighton wives... plus a few first generation Russian hipsters that would make Gary Shteyngart proud.

Uptown Thug Love at "No Parking" Washington Heights' only Blatino gay bar, so many thugs, so little time.

Who Needs Manhattan?

Up Early!

2007-11-15T05:09:00.000-08:00

Ouch. Can't hold my liquor anymore. Had a date with the boy last night... delicous meal at Prune, a gourmet, homey restaurant run by awesome lesbians. Very cool, new favorite lovely place. Whole grilled fish, kale and parmesian, everything, everything good.

And before that, we had a gluttonous, American, good old fashioned shopping spree... but at Agent Provocateur! I'd like to wear those underthings all the time. Rita Hayworth meets Betty Page meets Belgian silk...

And come on, for real, in real news, been working on my rough cut and it's going GREAT. I had a lot of tension around doing it myself, coming from the funding world, the notion of "rough" cut is usually something perfect that an applicant submits, pretending it is rough, looking for money. Oh no, this will be rough... but I'm building the early part (80's, intro to sexuality, Sheena E., Madonna) and notions of being "good" or being "bad" and taking it from there. God, I suck as an editor, but that's what it is all about. I have style, just not the timing, let alone the sense of structure. But like a good girl... I'm going to try and keep this chrono-logical.

And, been doing hot yoga, sweating my ass off. May go tonight, as a repair for the hangover... and to honor the underthings.

A Woman Out Alone...

2007-11-09T11:53:00.000-08:00

As I've said before, I live somewhere between Mexico and Hasidic heaven, and I guess last night one of my neighbors mistook me for a prostitute. It was 2:40 a.m. and I hopped out of the taxi about a block from home. I noticed a youngish Hasidic guy out and about, and then I noticed he was kind of following me. I slowed my steps, he slowed his steps. I sped up, he did too. Like most prostitutes, I was wearing a bomber jacket from the army navy and hiccupping really loudly.

Then I got belligerent, but it was a sort of bemused belligerence because I was drunk and he was Hasidic.

"Back the fuck up. What are you doing? I'm totally serious! Back the fuck up..."

and then my favorite line:

"Just because I'm hiccuping is not an invitation!"

That was a direct lift from a statement my mom made, "a woman out alone is not an invitation..." and will be used in my film, but:
"a woman out alone and hiccuping in a bomber jacket is not an invitation" is all the better.

Isaac wanted to find his ass and beat him. I was more focused on getting the hiccups gone, so he tickled me and that did the trick.

Nancy (and Obama) in Ohio

2007-10-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the pleasure of presenting the first 15 minutes of my film to 30 outspoken, verbal, cute, ugg-wearing Ohio college students. They were all crunched together, cozy on the floor watching and then we had about an hour plus discussion of: the film, sluts, slutty outfits, sex, promiscuity, abstinence-only sex education, whether or not I need to discuss my drug use, our morally decadent society, and male accountability. They were adorable, engaged and clever.

One girl taught me the song she learned in Catholic school:
Stop! Don't touch me there... these are my private squares
Don't violate... style-ate.

Brilliant. And consequently, 4 graduating seniors graduated pregnant from her school.

The Midtown Scene?

2007-10-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Not only do people work in Midtown, they eat there and go out there! Midtown! And they usually wear blue shirts (the girls included) and spend $40 on a plate of pasta. I had a businessy meeting with an analyst that started at the W hotel Whiskey Bar at 5pm. Then there was dinner on 54th street, I have never seen so many young people looking like old people. We were there with a beautiful Korean "singer" and a Virgin Media executive. She kept saying her music was "hard to explain" and "complicated." She and I wolfed our food, or I tried to but by then I was drunk. Although she too lives in Midtown (?) and hangs out in expensive places, I have the feeling she doesn't have much of a fixed income. The two fat cats barely cared about their truffle pastas and some girl joined us for a quick 2 drinks that she banged down before going to couple's therapy.

Then it was the rooftop of the Peninsula Bar (cigars, men, humidity) and then it's a blur.

I was getting a taste of "New York's Gilded Age," enjoyed by a select few, and filling in the "pretty" or "bohemian" slot.

I think I don't go out enough. I like the dives and the gays, clearly where I'm most comfortable. I don't expect the city to entertain me or provide for me, I came her to add to it. To provide and create and hang out with other creators. But oh how we creators need patrons!

Then the night topped off with my leaving my cell phone in a taxi and now I'm phoneless and hungover and getting on a plane.

Dante's Inferno

2007-10-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

Not sure where I am on the ring cycle... but this week is fundraising meetings, meet/greets and it's always the same ol' song.

"Um, no, I think it's 'great' but..." we (feminists, jews, whomever) don't really fund film... have you tried george clooney? or maybe someone in hollywood? or maybe sundance? That was yesterday. sigh. I'm over it.

Tonight is a "coffee" date in a hip midtown hotel bar with a rich guy dabbling in film. Do they serve coffee at midtown hotel bars? Am trying to look "bohemian, poor, cool, artsy, bankable" in my outfit. Y'know all that he's not. And will talk up the prostitutes, because everyone seems to love to hear about them.

"Hey! Mr. money and power! you looking for talent? drive? I'm right here!"

and the fast, by the way, is broken. we are now on vegetables, low-carbs, salads and red wine...

Eating is Good

2007-10-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

almost fell into the train tracks on my second fast day, so I'm easing out of it. bit of an apple here, little vegetable soup there. going solid part of the day, but drinking lots of water and eating very green, healthy and light.

I've realized that I'm back where I started.

It's round #3
Back to the beginning only bigger, better, uncut, to the maxxx.

It is the new and improved cutting a sample phase again! Perfecting the treatment, then trotting out the wares for the shopping. This time with a lot more experience and complaints under my belt, digested and hopefully addressed.

Deja vu?

More on "Gray Rape"

2007-10-15T14:11:00.001-07:00

October 15, 2007, 4:00 pm

‘Gray Rape’: A New Form of Date Rape?

By Sewell Chan

When Robert D. Laurino, chief assistant prosecutor for Essex County in New Jersey., told a friend that he was speaking on a panel about the topic of “gray rape,” the friend was confused. “Are you talking about the rape of the elderly?” the friend asked.

An article in the September issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, “A New Kind of Date Rape,” defined “gray rape” as “sex that falls somewhere between consent and denial and is even more confusing than date rape because often both parties are unsure of who wanted what.”

A standing-room-only audience packed the lobby of the Gerald W. Lynch Theater at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice to listen to a vigorous panel discussion on the idea of “gray rape” — and whether the term is even meaningful, helpful or harmful. Not too many events in the intellectual life of New York City bring together Jeremy Travis, the legal expert and former city police official who is the president of John Jay, and Kate White, editor in chief of Cosmopolitan, which sponsored the event.

The panel had four women and three men and was moderated by Ashleigh Banfield, the Court TV anchor. Ms. White promised a “very scintillating discussion.”

Laura Sessions Stepp, a Washington Post journalist, wrote the September article on “gray rape.” It has stirred considerable discussion on blogs and discussion boards. (Ms. Stepp’s latest book, “Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both,” about how smart, ambitious young women do emotional damage to themselves by getting physical with men they are not dating or may have met for the first time, also raised some controversy.)

In this morning’s discussion, Ms. Stepp said she did not embark on the story believing that there was such a thing as “gray rape.” She said, “For me, rape is rape. I really didn’t know what that term meant.”

But in the course of her reporting, Ms. Stepp said, she came across descriptions of “sexual encounters where usually both parties were very drunk and really didn’t know what they had said to each other the next morning.” In such cases, consent is uncertain. Such cases are more likely to emerge today, Ms. Stepp argued in the article, in an era when sexual boundaries and rules for women have loosened and when it has become socially acceptable for women to pursue casual sex.

“Girls go after guys just as often as guys go after girls these days,” Ms. Stepp said at the panel. In her article, she wrote, “The odd thing about the current equal-opportunity hookup culture is that a lot of guys may feel as uncomfortable and confused as their dates do when things end up in bed.”

Ms. Stepp’s article and her comments generated a wide range of reactions from the other panelists. Some panelists, in particular, were concerned that the concept of “gray rape” could be used to exonerate men from their culpability in violent sexual crimes.

“Rape is still rape,” said Neil Irvin, director of community education at Men Can Stop Rape, saying it almost “seems cliché” at this point to have to remind people that no means no.

Ms. Banfield pressed the issue. “Is it possible that you could acquiesce at the beginning of the evening and by the time you’re too drunk to be heard or understood, it would be unfair for men to try to decipher when the no ends up actually arriving?” she asked.

Joseph Samalin, who as a student at State University of New York at New Paltz and at Columbia University was active in groups that oppose women’s violence, did not buy that premise. “There were a lot of things in the article that concerned and frustrated me,” he said. He said that intentionally or not, the article might have the effect of suggesting that “you can be a woman in charge of your own sexuality … but not too much because these are the consequences that will happen to you.”

Mr. Samalin added: “We still need to hold a lot more men accountable for their actions, their behaviors and the violence they commit. I’d rather be a panel here on that.”

Ms. Banfield maintained that gray areas remained one of the most fraught areas in discussions of sexual violence, especially on college campuses. She cited the case of Adam Lack, a Brown University student who in 1996 was accused by a fellow student of sexual misconduct. The accuser said she could not remember the events of the evening but said she was too intoxicated to be able to consciously consent to sex. Mr. Lack maintained that the student had initiated the sexual encounter and that he was not aware she was drunk. No criminal charges were brought, but Mr. Lack was subjected to academic discipline.

Chitra Raghavan, a John Jay psychologist who conducts research on intimate-partner violence and rape, said she did not accept the article’s argument that it has become socially acceptable for women to pursue casual sex.

“I would respectfully disagree that women have been sexually empowered to hook up,” Dr. Raghavan said. “What’s happened is that women are not legislated anymore. There’s a huge difference for it to be legal for women to pursue sex and for it to be socially acceptable for women to pursue sex.”

Many studies have shown that rapes often do not involve physical violence or coercion, because the mere threat or potential for physical harm is enough to make victims submit, she said. Dr. Raghavan also said that studies have shown that women’s sexual interactions do not change appreciably if they have been drinking and that serial rapists maintain (inaccurately, of course) that their victims did not resist and in fact wanted to be raped. She said that the discussion of alcohol “is endemic of how we blame women,” saying that such blame could lead to a viewpoint like: “Women hook up, get drunk and then say they don’t want sex. Tell them to cross their legs and put on a chastity belt!”

Katie Gentile, who directs the Women’s Center at John Jay, cited research by David Lisak, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts at Boston, who has done extensive research on convicted sex offenders as well as ordinary men on college campuses.

“Men use alcohol all the time to ply their dates, whether they are drunk or not,” Dr. Gentile said. “It is the way in which they get their dates to be submissive enough to get raped.”

Dr. Gentile said that rape is one of the crimes least likely to be falsely reported and one of the crimes for which prosecutors find it most difficult to secure a conviction. “I see on average two women a week for what is obviously a rape,” she said, and yet in five years, none of the students has ever decided to press charges and bring a case in the law-enforcement system — even at a college that is dedicated to studying criminal justice.

Dr. Gentile also cited research by Michelle Fine, a psychologist at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York who has studied sex-education curricula. The message in most of these educational materials, Dr. Gentile said, is: “Girls, you better be careful, because you’re in charge of the sexuality of men and you’ve got to control them. Across the board in these curricula, they are not taught sexual responsibility in these relationships.”

Linda Fairstein, who was chief of the sex crimes unit at the Manhattan district attorney’s office for 25 years, until 2002, said she did not believe the article introduced anything new from a legal standpoint.

“Certainly, in the criminal justice system there’s no such thing as gray rape,” said Ms. Fairstein, now a media consultant and crime novelist. She added: “Gray rape is not a new term and not a new experience. For journalists, it may be, but for those of us who had worked in advocacy or law enforcement, this description of something being in a gray area has been around all the time. It’s always been my job in law enforcement to separate out the facts.”

Ms. Fairstein said the present discussion evoked the debates that followed “The Morning After: Fear, Sex and Feminism,” the 1994 book by Katie Roiphe, who famously asserted, “There is a gray area in which one person’s rape may be another’s bad night.”

The prosecution rate for rapes by strangers is “astoundingly high,” Ms. Fairstein said, while date rape remains a fairly new concept. “It wasn’t even a term when I started prosecution in 1972,” she said.

Alcohol and drugs inevitably complicate acquaintance rape cases, Mr. Fairstein said, describing the concept of an alcohol blackout — “a period of amnesia during which the person is actively engaging in behaviors — walking, talking — but the brain is unable to form new memories of the event, leaving the person unable to recall the events once they are no longer intoxicated.” In such cases, investigators must try to talk to witnesses and reconstruct what happened.

Mr. Laurino, the county prosecutor, said that the recreational use of drugs and alcohol had started to amount to a “public health crisis,” citing statistics that 30 percent of women who are examined for sexual assault report having used alcohol and that another 6 to 7 percent report having used some drugs. Mr. Laurino said that Dr. Lisak’s research showed that even the “nice guy next door” will use alcohol strategically. “The predator uses alcohol because they know it’s going it impair the credibility of the victim, which is extremely important,” he said.

Mr. Laurino cited examples of “undetected rapists — the small minority of men who have committed hundreds of rapes on campuses.” Such predators often have “sophisticated strategies” for sexual exploitation that involve deceiving women into imbibing strong alcoholic beverages. “The majority of men who do not commit sexual assault who do not batter or abuse women really need to hold a small minority of men accountable,” he said.

Dr. Gentile noted that many clubs and bars have rules that allow girls and women to drink free of charge. Every week at John Jay, she said, promoters from clubs hand out cards that state, “Ladies get in free.” She added, to a loud round of applause, “That is a date-rape drug.”

Dr. Raghavan said that some women do feel ambivalent about negotiating sexual relationships with men. She said: “They want to be able to say no but still maintain a particular kind of image. ‘I don’t want to have sex with you, but there’s nothing wrong with my sexuality.’ They don’t have the vocabulary to articulate no. Or they’re saying no, but it’s not in a vocabulary that’s being heard.”

Interestingly, it was the two male antiviolence activists, Mr. Irvin and Mr. Samalin, who seemed to take the hardest line on male violence.

Mr. Irvin spoke of a “culture of masculinity that says we take advantage of women’s bodies because we’re men,” while Mr. Samalin said, “The majority of men who aren’t committing violence are still benefiting from a society that’s based on male privilege, power and entitlement.”

Ms. Fairstein said that although acquaintance rape is underreported, there is a higher rate of false reporting (about 9 to 10 percent) for acquaintance rape than for most other crimes. Complicating the difficulty of proving acquaintance rape is the lack of physical evidence in some cases. Ms. Fairstein cited the recent example of the decision by prosecutors in Santa Clara County in California, not to prosecute several athletes at De Anza College who were implicated in an assault on a 17-year-old female.

“Do I think she was raped?” Mr. Fairstein asked. “Yes. Do I think anyone can prove it? Who can you charge?”

Day 2 in fast land

2007-10-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

Ouch. Head-achey. Dreaded getting out of bed, since I was going to drink a quart of salt water... but my new coping technique is to film my experience. So keeping a video and written diary. Did pretty well until 2:30 and got very snoozy (like a cat, the sun was beaming in ... it was nap time) so I filmed the desire to nap, then oops, fell asleep. But I've since perked up and back to work.

Am cutting the first act and hit a little wall... need to write voice over and record it tomorrow. Also very clearly do not have the speedy talent or timing talent of a professional, so this feels like a bit of a "hack job." That said -- I LOVE MY STRUCTURE it has received a green light from two trusty worthy filmmakers, so my spine is strong... which is great... and will act as my guide.

Toxins are coming off my tongue... yuck. White gross tongue in effect. Desperately miss cameraman... take away my man, ok, I have friends, booze and food... take away my man, booze and food.... I feel very, very sad.

*sigh*

oops the crave

2007-10-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

Whatever, I am going to list the cravings as they come....

so far, a steaming bowl of angel hair pasta, light garlic/olive oil.

but that's it... I do very, very often have the impulse to put somethng in my mouth. a nibble - crunchy, chewy, small, whatever -it's just the desire to gnaw on things. I'm going to investigate those weird cinammon sticks or anise sticks or maybe just good ol' fashion toothpicks.

Yea right.

The Fast Day 1

2007-10-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm going to keep a more detailed journal (because it's really boring to know all the ins and outs of the master cleanse... especially the greusome 32 ounce salt water "bath") but I'm starting my Lemonade Diet/Master Cleanse today! I'll be filming the results/process as well. And not hiding from the fact that I will surely break down in tears (apparently as the biproduct of the "purge" and out of a deep, soulful longing for peanut butter).

Day 1 always feels like Yom Kippur, but with maple syrup and tons of water. I biked 8 miles on a pretty empty stomache so I'm still living off the fat of a duck/noodle stir fry eaten in Sunset Park last night.... clearly, there's enough of me to live off of at least for a day or two.

I have been reading a more detailed updated online version of the 1950's Stanley Burroughs classic, which is so fucking corny and cute, I want to shred it, to help me with the process. I had recruited a friend, but I think she bailed on me.

Soon I'll be scanning the internet for pictures of food (bad, bad, bad). I plan to see lots of movies this week, and will probably vow to be a vegetarian as well.

Date Rape and the Stone Ages - AGAIN!

2007-10-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

Watch out Philadelphia, not only does the perpetrator live here, but the jury won't protect you either!

How To Rape 100 (Cute, Educated, Upper Middle-Class) Women And Get Away With It

Meet Jeffrey J. Marsalis. Prosecutors know he raped thirty women and believe there are probably hundreds, though they only decided to charge him with ten. And he was recently acquitted on all of those, because this country is not being run by Dick Wolf. Here is the rub: the girls Jeffrey raped met him on Match.com, liked his (totally fabricated) personality and often came to terms with what he had done to them by dating him anyway. One had a three month relationship with him after he fucked her while she was passed out on their first date. "I guess it was an attempt on my part to regain some of the power," she said. Fuck if I don't know THAT feeling. Although he roofied them, belittled them and lied to them, and a handful of girls who didn't want anything to do with him after the fact, the Philadelphia jury still didn't want to call him "rapist."

The women, to the jurors, were "sour grapes"; they'd been led on by the investigators who contacted them, trolling for victims. "He was a playboy," the juror said, co-opting [defense attorney] Hexstall's language.

Well didn't that just bring me back. I don't want to harp on my date rape, but yeah, it happened to me in Philadelphia, the same summer I was covering some of the city's most gruesome crimes, among them a particularly heinous string of serial rapes, and if the thought had crossed my mind to call the cops on the guy -- which it did not -- I probably would have abandoned it pretty instantly upon the thought of trying to convince a jury in that town that I was a "rape victim." Fuck, I didn't feel like a rape victim; I felt annoyed.

So yeah, I fought back by talking about it, which is why I don't disapprove of terms like "gray rape" if they enable us to speak more frankly about such douchebags, but then a story comes up like this that is just so horrific and foul and depressing and manifesting of the deep disconnect between what is accepted behavior and what is moral behavior in this country that it makes someone like me, a total know-it-all, think "Fuck, maybe I was wrong." Below, the story's money passage, though you should really read the whole thing, the end especially, because it's fucking fascinating.

Standing in the dark bathroom in her bra and panties, her hand to her mouth, she sobbed. Strange noises came from her, grief unfurling from someplace inside her. And yet, at the same time, her mind was racing. It determined, almost independent of herself, that she must immediately get beyond what had happened. She reasoned that he hadn't threatened her life, hadn't borne a knife or a gun. The city was an unfamiliar place. If she left now, where would she go? What would she do? Most of all, she became instantaneously determined that she would not suffer from this -- she would avoid the post-traumatic stress she'd seen firsthand as she studied to become a counselor. She would accomplish this by ignoring, by attempting to discard, the few distinct images that had managed, somehow, to make inroads deep in her mind, into memory.
Her naked feet trod back across the tile. In his bedroom, she pulled back the covers, slid back in bed with him, beside him. ...
In the morning, she awoke once again, finally, fully, if groggily, to sunlight: a bedroom painted white, Ikea furniture, a bookshelf full of medical texts, blue-striped Nautica-brand sheets. And to his face. His green eyes stared across the pillow at hers. He smiled.
He moved his naked body toward her, pulled her closer to him, tucked his body into hers. Once again, his hands crept over her. This time, she says, she let him inside her willingly.
Unprotected, once again, he climaxed. They lay there, side by side. As the room filled with morning light, they talked, enjoyed each other's company. They had sex again. Again he finished inside her. At last, well into the afternoon, they got up and dressed, she in the same clothes from last night, he in a fresh pair of scrubs.
He told her he'd like to see her again, and how much he'd enjoyed her. To the man she was sure a few hours ago had raped her, the man with whom she was about to embark on a three-month relationship, she said Me too.
How, I asked Rachael one day last summer, how could she do it? "I don't know," she said, looking me in the eyes. "He had taken away my power. I guess it was an attempt on my part to regain some of the power I'd lost. But honestly, I don't really know why."

He Said, They Said [Philadelphia Magazine]http://www.phillymag.com/articles/features_he_said_they_said/page1

"I'm not racist, but..."

2007-10-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

I met this crazy girl on the D train last night at 1:30 in the morning. She was clomping down the stairs in her Smith Street - style "crafty" boots with her mousy artistic hair clamming around her head. She peered over the edge of the platform, "Eww... those rats are fighting. Look! Gross! That big one is killing the smaller one." I looked at her as the sweat poured down my face and said "Um, I really don't want to watch those rats kill each other, it's bad enough that we have to sit on this inferno of a platform, and hear the rats... I don't need to watch them."

We got to talking about "underserved" train lines, and she seemed to think the F is superior to the D ... which I had to correct her after a summer of endless, steamy waiting for the F as in "fucked" train. The D is much cooler, quicker, and it runs X-press. We then got to debating the neighborhood... she's a Sunset Park resident for the past seven years originally from Boston. Hearing the word "Boston" made my red flag start waving.

"Look, don't get me wrong... the Chinese people are good neighbors, but THEY ARE TAKING OVER. With their buckets of frogs in the markets, the duck heads swinging everywhere, their third world, you know, well, look. They make great neighbors, they really value education -- much more than the Mexicans. I had a boyfriend who was Mexican, and he told me they don't value it that much... but look, the Chinese people are willing to sleep in their stores, and they Haul Ass as workers, but my Korean friend says they are really dirty, and really, they have taken over the Lower East Side and Little Italy, and I don't know how long you've been here, I've been here Seven Years and... and... and...."

Her glass blowing ways and her wild blue Bostonian eyes made me fearful of my fellow passengers, lest they think I shared her views. I sorta pointed out that every immigrant group gets the hell out of the L.E.S. the second when they can (the Jews, the Italians) that Little Italy has been kitsch for about 20 years, and the real Italians are in Brooklyn, Staten and Jersey and that really, its the hipster, rich fuck assholes that are ruining New York, not the Chinese....

But she wouldn't budge on the spread of the Chinese being something we should fear and talk about with incredibly Wide Eyes...

She clomped off the subway after giving me her card... "Call me! Call me! Bye!"

This photo I'm happy and relaxed on a hot, Florida spring night... far, far away from the Third World Threat.

The Camping Trip!

2007-10-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

After a scant few weeks in Brooklyn, we made a hasty escape to the woods. A small pond that divides Connecticut and Rhode Island was where we made camp. Camp is where cameraman dug a firepit and lined it with stones, I watched. He sort of allowed me to help pitch the tent... We rustled for sticks, built fires, grilled things, paddled in a canoe (I'll paddle, you relax... as I steered us into several rocks), identified seven different kinds of frogs, my specialty, as the critters seems to love me... and went swimming in the clear, cold water. Nights by the fire, watching shooting stars and drinking Jack Daniels and drinking red wine. Sleep by nightfall.

Logging the Daytona Shoot

2007-09-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

UGH -- it's painful. Thankfully, I don't look disgusting, but I hated the cameraman, and it was a disastrous shoot, full of failures. I hate being on camera, narrating - I do not work for E! Entertainment, and frankly on cue, I have absolutely nothing to say.

However, I do meet a preacher who blesses me and my film, so that could be fun to watch.

And I'll just drink myself silly later, because this is painful to go back and relive. UGH

Woa I'm on a different planet

2007-09-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

Camped out at Ecuadorian money exchange/phone card/internet "cafe" a warm and snug locale hiding just beneath the elevated D train at Ft. Hamilton and New Utrecht in Brooklyn. Never heard of that intersection? Of course you haven't.. it's my new top secret neighborhood on the border of Boro and just below Sunset PARK. I love it... I'll be online and laundering money in Latin America for a mere $2. Phone calls to Poland? No problem... silver sets for the Jewish holidays? We have them. Frogs for some rice porridge? Over here... gambling parlors, cigarettes where you can still smoke, women in wigs, cholos in cowboy hats, empenadas, polish pastries, Israeli hummus, Vietnamese Pho, and White Castle all live here.

Internet will arrive magically to the glistening, sunny, large two bedroom this Friday, although my gas was just shut off this morning.

The blogger directions are written in Spanish and I have to get to Soho (the big city!) for a performance so off I go... computer updates coming soon... but fyi -- I'm loving my non-employed life, loving my co-habitation with boyfriend, and loving working on my film all day!

Pix to come

Tranz I shyon

2007-08-29T13:40:00.001-07:00

Last day of work and freaking out a little bit ... six years! Got some really sweet and thoughtful gifts. Cameraman comes home from Moscow today... and Sunday I relocate. Ay. Transition!

Aguanile!

2007-08-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

Not ready for the end of summer...

2007-08-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

I'm totally not. Did not have time to say goodbye to the ocean or the beach. Spent this past weekend alone, swimming in photographs, contact sheets and negatives, going through the Nancy archive of about 13 years of photography work. To all my friends and family members who tolerated me and a 35 mm in their face - I love you and thank you immensely!

And wow did I have some freaky angry diary entries... angry rants starting as young as 12. And some really sweet and saucy love letters.

This Wednesday the missing cameraman comes back from Putin's Russia and the vodka soaked mushroom filled countryside... then life is a whirlwind of packing up my sublet, moving my stuff to storage, setting up shop in two temporary locations, a family wedding and getting reacquainted with my boy after a month apart.

I think a squeezed in trip to Coney Island is in order, or I'll lose my sanity.

Internet Porn on a Rainy Day

2007-08-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

Chilly Tuesday! Spent the weekend in Asbury Park, but it was a mend some broken hearts weekend, and not ecstasy by the disco pool to the club til dawn kind of weekend. Can I even have those anymore? Anyway, I hope my girls are feeling better.

I had some panic about a living situation, as Bushwick the cameraman's digs has been diagnosed with bedbugs - and I'm vacating my sublet 9.2 and then we are looking for a place to live together... giving me about a 2 week grace period of homelessness. I'm in luck, however, and will be dividing my time between a few apartments for free... and hoping to find a home asap! Going to polish up my cooking recipes to repay the lovely house-sharers with food!

I'm inside today (yearning for my bike but it's too fucking cold), been researching internet porn and filming some of it - how quick and easy it is to see videos, what the sound is like, etc. All three of my batteries died on me and I'm wondering if my camera is rebelling from the work?

Am also pitching visits to a University in Colorado, and trying to line up two gigs in Ohio... so far have one. Will be getting a decent tax rebate for the past three years - had filed incorrectly, then had the IRS chasing me, then got an accountant who loves freelancers ("I got famous clients, Nancy, you know Julia Stiles? Been a client since she was 9...) so my financials aren't exactly rosy, but they're not gloomy either.

Please, stop the rain. I'm just sitting around eating warm food and feeling slightly glum.

Last Coney of August

2007-08-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

ANXIETY!

2007-08-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

i'm at this ridiculous fever pitch of anxiety. and it truly is ridiculous. struggling with a piece of writing that i will not allow myself to give up on. sitting in a cozy, chilly cafe in brooklyn and wanting to throw my laptop onto 7th avenue. my reward in about 2 hours will be a bike ride in the park -- until then, i cannot leave, i must finish, and i'm hoping my boyfriend did not get picked up by the KGB which would explain his lack of cell phone service or email contact. we've had phone contact but not in two days... that said, in addition to my looming lunar eclipse and looming unemployment/homelessness, and looming monthly time, i suppose the tranquility of early august, is about to simmer to a slow, dripping conclusion.

ok - must continue writing. like the other dutiful folks in the cafe around me. they're so good.

me so bad.

Panda petting zoo cutest thing ever

2007-08-14T13:20:00.000-07:00

*I'm having some anxiety today, left over from last night and a really ominous horoscope forecast (just specifically Aug.28 news... makes me nervous) anyway, this perked me up.

(Budget Travel Online) -- It began by accident. My girlfriend, Ronni, and her twin sister, Marina, rented a documentary on panda bears. We all melted. Then we went online and found videos of tourists, somewhere in China, embracing pandas. One showed a gaggle of cubs eagerly descending a slide in what looked like panda day care. "We have to find this place," Ronni said, eyes lighting up.

Hugging baby pandas costs about $130 and the pandas are even cuter in person than you would imagine

A friend of a friend had recently gone to China on a botanical excursion, and I could see the wheels turning in Ronni's and Marina's heads. Soon enough, we had tickets and immunization appointments. Much in the same way you might say, "Hey, let's go to a movie," we made plans to cross the Pacific.

We had no basis to believe that meeting pandas was possible for ordinary people. We consulted guidebooks and online travel forums, and our best bet appeared to be a facility for research and visitors at the Wolong Nature Reserve, about five hours away from Chengdu in Sichuan province. Because it was difficult to reach, we figured it must be more rewarding.
Once in Hong Kong, I contracted a fixer on the mainland to help sort everything out. His name was Huang, and he'd been to Wolong earlier that year with National Geographic.

Ever since Empress Wu Zetian sent a pair of panda bears to the Japanese emperor around A.D. 700, China's public face has been represented by the furry goodwill ambassadors, who even forced a smile from Richard Nixon. Today, we noticed upon arrival in Shanghai, you don't see dour Mao nearly as much as Jingjing, the flower-crowned cartoon panda that's one of the Beijing 2008 Olympic mascots, and just the first in the parade of pandas that adorn China's storefronts, advertising, clothing, and vibrant cell-phone-charm industry.

In Chengdu, we were greeted at the airport by a 40-foot column topped with a giant bronze panda. On our way into the city, we also couldn't help but notice that the lampposts, rickshaws, and even highway overpasses were festooned or stenciled or otherwise decorated with pandas.
But Chengdu was just a transit point for our trek along the Min and Pitiao Rivers to the Wolong Nature Reserve. We hired a driver, part of a fairly dodgy tour we'd found last-minute on the Internet. All road travel in China happens frenetically--the constant, aggressive brinksmanship of millions of shoddy minivans with toy-like wheels. We left for Wolong at dusk, ascending steep gorges that sometimes disappeared into the mist, on roads that sometimes disappeared altogether.

There's no real town, and not many restaurants, other than the shabby ones at the Wolong Hotel and the Panda Inn.
The following day, we awoke to a crisp and cool autumn day, with the sound of the river filling the narrow valley. This is the panda's native habitat, a subalpine arboreal wonderland that makes you understand Chinese fairy tales. The China Conservation and Research Center for the Giant Panda has marked off large enclosures for its several dozen pandas.
Last summer, the notoriously fickle pandas produced 18 cubs. We could see some of them through the glass of the nursery. The newest born were tiny pink nubs. Those slightly older were fed with bottles. The cubs we had seen online were from the previous summer. A little over a year old, all 16 played together in a single enclosure next to the nursery.

Three Japanese girls entered the day-care center and frolicked among the cubs. "How can we do that?" I asked Tang, one of the keepers. He took us to an office, where we discovered advance work to arrange a special panda visit is unnecessary. To hug baby pandas, all you have to do is show up and pay the Wolong Panda Club $130 per person.

That's nothing for five minutes of nirvana. In the flesh, the cubs were so unbelievably cute that they seemed artificial. With their round heads, big eyes, and rolling gait, they looked and acted like Jim Henson creations. Touching one felt like meeting a unicorn.

The cubs moved like puppies in a curious, playful swarm. They didn't lick so much as nuzzle. And grab: To our delight, the desire for hugging was mutual, and what began as a careful encounter quickly devolved into fuzzy mayhem as the cubs attached themselves to our arms and legs. At one point, Ronni was dragged to the ground by a clutch of cubs, and she beamed beatifically. "I can't believe this is happening," she said as she freed herself, only to be taken down again.

After the staff pulled the cubs off us, we stood around in a daze. Stepping back outside of the panda pen, Ronni stopped grinning long enough to say, "I want to do that again."
Round-trip airfare between Chengdu and Beijing, Hong Kong, or Shanghai runs $400 to $680 on Dragonair or Air China. E-mail to a friend

Life's not all vacations...

2007-08-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

Life is also sitting in too tight shorts at a job where your clock is running out. Both under and over stimulating, but not in a good way.

Did great work on my treatment this weekend, then got slammed by my trusty editrix and pal, who gave me great, thoughtful feedback. The problem is it is not universal enough - I swing like the Pisces pendulum that I am -- one extreme to another. Too theoretical, too personal -- gotta get it in the middle. Maybe tonight is the night? Yes!

MOST importantly is the treatment is forcing me to sketch out the story - the "ABC" as it were, and matching images/scenes to plot to move things forward, which has been a delight of digitizing and digging and actually figuring out what the film itself may look like and feel like AND knowing that I have a damn lot of material, so I can actually build something.

Went to see the new date rape film with Rosario "I saved this movie because I'm a great actress and insanely beautiful" Dawson. It's called DESCENT and it's a horrendous film, truly awful and over the top inauthentic with some little tidbits of decent-ness. It inspired me, because even if I struggle with The Line, it will never be as bad as Descent is.

Finished Ayaan Hirsi Ali's Infidel... wow, she's an amazing woman.

Also went to Coney again with Susie aka "Man Magnet" Kim and had a blast having the entire world erupt around us as we lay back in bikinis. We even got free dinner later on in Sunset Park... and watched the drunkest men ever sculpt a larger than life porn-sand woman in the stretch beside us, and spend lots of time on perfecting her lady-parts.

Pictures to come.

Maine with the Dogs

2007-08-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

August begins with my most relaxing jaunt to date. Beside a little lake in Maine, with a dirty name "Crotch-et Pond". Chilling with Kristen, Sam and Jennie - and Dart, Ty, Daisy and Willie. There were water views, there was sun and there were dogs. The humans read US weekly, drank wine, cooked with fresh basil, kayaked, boated, swam and got food poisoning from a toxic lobster roll. The dogs slept, swam, frolicked and peed. One day I sat and wrote in a glass room as the rain drizzled the lake. Kristen was my editor. I saw a mother loon feed her baby little fish from the lake and I slept in total darkness.

from DressModestly.com

2007-08-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

“It would be a solution to help my daughter wear shirts she likes and not have to worry about if it is going to be modest or not. Shopping would be a lot more enjoyable.”

“It's uncomfortable sometimes to wear a shirt, even if I love it, and I need a real undershirt. I'd feel more covered.”

“I hate it when my stomach shows!”

“It's very hard to find modest clothing for my 13 yr old. Right now the fashions are short tops and low jeans. ‘Filling the Gap’ by layering is a good idea!”

“I want my daughter to learn how to dress modestly & teach her to respect her body & have confidence that whatever she wears that is modest is acceptable in this growing world of immodesty.”

“Just because I want to be modest doesn't mean I don't want to dress old. I still want to look young without having to shop in the older women's section.”

“I am very concerned about my daughters and I being modest at all times. I want my kids to be in style but not at the expense of showing off the body. This could solve the problem!”

“My sons are continually encouraging their sisters to dress modestly and sometimes will comment on clothing being not modest enough that I thought was okay. I'm realizing that they don't want guys talking about their sisters the way other girls might be talked about. It's hard to find things that are really modest but this would make many shirts be just fine and cute, too.”
Just wanted you to know that I love these extra long shirts!! My daughter can finally wear the short shirts that she likes and still be modest!! Thanks!

Sex in Egypt

2007-08-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

Egypt’s ‘Dr. Ruth’ Takes on Taboo Topic With Help From Maimonides

Eric Trager Wed. Aug 08, 2007
Cairo, Egypt - Masturbation, oral sex and foreplay are strictly taboo discussion topics in conservative Egyptian society. Yet with impressive comfort, Heba Kotb, dubbed Egypt’s “Dr. Ruth,” covers these issues in depth on her weekly satellite television program, “The Big Talk.” Kotb’s level of comfort sharply declines, however, when asked about her education: Kotb, 39, received a degree in clinical sexology from Maimonides University, a Jewish-affiliated institution in Florida.

“The big question that Heba had originally was how she would be received when she showed up at a Jewish school wearing a headscarf,” said William Granzig, a renowned sexologist who was president of Maimonides University when Kotb enrolled. “I said we would respond to her as we would to any student. There was trepidation on her part enrolling in a Jewish school, thinking we were Israelis who were going to kill all Arabs.”
Kotb, who describes herself as a religious person, reacted defensively when asked about her affiliation with a Jewish institution.

“It’s a classroom,” she said in an interview with the Forward. “Muslims and Jews are not animals. Maybe Muslim Arabs and Zionists are animals. But we have to approve what Moses said and the Torah to be Muslims. We must approve the Torah as a divine message.”
Kotb’s interest in sexology arose while drafting her dissertation at Cairo University on sexual child abuse. Her research led her to read extensively on sexuality, a field completely unaddressed in her previous medical studies and about which she felt ill informed. Concerned that her own lack of sexual knowledge reflected a broader deficiency in Muslim societies, Kotb began exploring sexual discourse in Islamic sources. To her fascination, she discovered a wealth of material.

“I was amazed that this was in my religion,” she said. “I was proud to be a Muslim and be part of a religion dealing with these issues, which had only become known a few decades ago.” Kotb assembled her findings and presented “Sex and Islam” at a conference.
With no programs in sexology available to her in Egypt, Kotb looked for suitable programs online. She found only one program existed in the Middle East, but it is based in Haifa and she refused to enroll in an Israeli program. “Even Iranian rabbis were against Israel and Zionism, and always demonstrated against it,” she claimed. “But Zionism isn’t Judaism.”
Maimonides University, which tailors its schedule so that students spend minimal time on campus, offered the most attractive option. Founded as an Orthodox Sephardic graduate institution with degrees in Jewish dietary laws and theology, Maimonides first offered courses in sexology when its rabbinical students demanded training for counseling congregants on marital issues. Shortly thereafter, a Ph.D. program in clinical sexology was offered in which religious sexual ethics were interwoven, though not emphasized.

Granzig said that he himself encouraged Kotb to enroll, and the two developed a warm working relationship, though the subject of Granzig’s own religious affiliation did not come up and Kotb — who refers to Granzig as her “American father” — does not know he is Jewish.
“I’m sure she thinks I’m Episcopalian,” Granzig said.

While he added that Kotb expressed some concern at first, he noted that in the end her most intense interactions at the school were with an observant Pakistani physician, with whom she argued regarding interpretations of the Qur’an.

In fact, Kotb’s religious outlook is a major component of her appeal for her patients. Beyond her work as a television host and sex columnist, Kotb has run a sexology clinic in Cairo’s Mohandessin neighborhood since 2002. In her private sessions, Kotb exclusively counsels married individuals on sexual issues, so as not to encourage premarital sexuality, which is strictly forbidden in Islam. She also works with unmarried individuals possessing health or mental problems related to sexuality.

One American-Egyptian couple living in the United States, who saw Kotb on Arabic satellite television, decided to stop in for six sessions during a recent trip to visit relatives in Egypt. “Part of being a Muslim therapist is her knowing what the basis of a husband and wife should be in Islamic tradition,” said the wife, who requested that her name not be used. “She applies sex therapy according to Islamic rules and our culture. Therapists in America don’t take religion into account.” The couple was also wary of group therapy, which they said is often the recourse for sexual problems in the United States. “Here, it is more discreet,” the wife said.

As Kotb’s star rises throughout the Muslim world — her clinical schedule is booked three months in advance, and she has recently spoken at conferences in Yemen and Saudi Arabia — she maintains contact with Granzig, whom she has frequently invited to address audiences in Egypt. Thus far, Granzig has declined the offers, in part because he anticipates uncomfortable reactions to his Jewish affiliation. “I’m so tired of the ‘we love the Jews and hate the Israelis’ mentality,” he said. “Instantly, if people have this view, they will become antisemitic.”
Maimonides University, meanwhile, is in flux. According to Granzig, the school’s current president, Rabbi Dr. Stefano Dimauro, has temporarily left Florida to revive Orthodox Judaism in Sicily, and the Web-based clinical sexology program has been down for a month. Confusion surrounding the university’s status led Kotb to believe it had closed. “Maybe it was Hamas,” she joked.

2007-08-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

More lazy summer days

2007-07-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

Soon to come to an end... cameraman departs for Russia tomorrow... so it's Working and Girl Time. Seems I'm frittering this office day away making plans, plans, plans: rooftop drink plans, Brooklyn floating pool dates, bike ride rendezvous... and weekend escapes. It's in the air - everyone I'm corresponding with today, at work, is busy as a bee making plans.

Can't shake the truism that if you want to make God laugh, make plans (or something like that). But it's not going to stop me ...

The Lake

2007-07-25T11:54:00.001-07:00

Wild Lake Creatures ...

2007-07-24T09:28:00.001-07:00

... pictures to come from long weekend in lake Champlain in Burlington Vermont replete with boat outings, video and super 8, rose, vodka, red and white wines, local, french, goat, sheep and cow cheeses, fresh hummus, scallops, sweet corn and lots of love with the cameraman...

The Cones Part II

2007-07-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

Red Hook Super 8

2007-07-12T13:55:00.001-07:00

The Girls of Coney Island

2007-07-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

The Boys of Coney Island

2007-07-11T11:07:00.001-07:00

2007-07-09T19:20:00.000-07:00

It's so hot ... makes me miss Berlin in February

2007-07-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

I’ve lost some of my best teeth to food…

2007-07-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

The Maritime Provinces are where the first hearty French Catholics settled in the rugged, wild untamed province of New Brunswick, Canada on the Bay De Chaleur. Keep in mind, “chaleur” means warmth or heat, and these people must have been crazy to think that these waters were warm… My mother and I prompted by whim and salty air journeyed North for an exploration. We stayed in Caraquet - the North Easternmost tip of New Brunswick.

My mother and I survived a 4 day vacation of hiking, smelling wild lilacs, gathering beautiful stones on abandoned beaches, navigating unmarked roads, biking along trails beside the bay and eating 6 course meals every night at the Hotel Paulin. Karen was our chef and the experience was an endless array of gastronomie that if it doesn’t make you stronger, will certainly kill you.

I must detail the menu, before I forget:

Sunday Night:
Mussels in saffron broth
Salad with Prosciutto and local fresh farmed blue cheese, sautéed apple slices in blackberry vinegrette
Linguine with scallops, lobster and shrimp in light champagne cream sauce

Monday Night: “tasting menu”
Little bites of…
Shrimp in homemade aioli on endive
Local sea snail (slug!) in lime, jalepeno and mango ceviche
Local Acadien goat’s cheese wrapped in Atlantic salmon sprinkled with caviar
Lobster risotto cake topped with lobster claw meat
Salad with duck and pork pate, prosciutto, Italian meat, with spring mix
Halibut topped in mango salsa on bok choy served with fiddle head ferns
Light chocolate cake topped with raspberry sauce

Tuesday Night:
Sea snail in ceviche
Lobster bisque with cream
Salad with prosciutto, local cheese
Seared local lamb chops over pasta with fiddle head ferns
Chocolate cake with berries

Then we had port and wine with a local salmon fisherman (with missing teeth) and his sexy cosmopolitan girlfriend. My mom and I are still scratching our head over that union.

I love eating. And p.s. because Caraquet, a town the size of Windsor Terrace, is the heart and soul of Acadia (the proud, French, lobster-fishing region) and is totally tiny and remote- these dinners were under $40 each!

Spanking time!

2007-06-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

I have my paddle in hand and it feels so good... there have been spankings I've been waiting to give out that I got to do today!

3 knock outs!

Feels fucking great.

I'm sooo empowered right now -- good thing I'm off to Canada this weekend, to cool my heels in the piney wilds and relax before I become a spank-master!

Transparency, Accountability and Being Nice

2007-06-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

The Whole World Is Watching

By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN
Published: June 27, 2007

Three years ago, I was catching a plane at Boston’s Logan airport and went to buy some magazines for the flight. As I approached the cash register, a woman coming from another direction got there just behind me — I thought. But when I put my money down to pay, the woman said in a very loud voice: “Excuse me! I was here first!” And then she fixed me with a piercing stare that said: “I know who you are.” I said I was very sorry, but I was clearly there first.

If that happened today, I would have had a very different reaction. I would have said: “Miss, I’m so sorry. I am entirely in the wrong. Please, go ahead. And can I buy your magazines for you? May I buy your lunch? Can I shine your shoes?”

Why? Because I’d be thinking there is some chance this woman has a blog or a camera in her cellphone and could, if she so chose, tell the whole world about our encounter — entirely from her perspective — and my utterly rude, boorish, arrogant, thinks-he-can-butt-in-line behavior. Yikes!

When everyone has a blog, a MySpace page or Facebook entry, everyone is a publisher. When everyone has a cellphone with a camera in it, everyone is a paparazzo. When everyone can upload video on YouTube, everyone is filmmaker. When everyone is a publisher, paparazzo or filmmaker, everyone else is a public figure. We’re all public figures now. The blogosphere has made the global discussion so much richer — and each of us so much more transparent.
The implications of all this are the subject of a new book by Dov Seidman, founder and C.E.O. of LRN, a business ethics company. His book is simply called “How.” Because Seidman’s simple thesis is that in this transparent world “how” you live your life and “how” you conduct your business matters more than ever, because so many people can now see into what you do and tell so many other people about it on their own without any editor. To win now, he argues, you have to turn these new conditions to your advantage.

For young people, writes Seidman, this means understanding that your reputation in life is going to get set in stone so much earlier. More and more of what you say or do or write will end up as a digital fingerprint that never gets erased. Our generation got to screw up and none of those screw-ups appeared on our first job résumés, which we got to write. For this generation, much of what they say, do or write will be preserved online forever. Before employers even read their résumés, they’ll Google them.

“The persistence of memory in electronic form makes second chances harder to come by,” writes Seidman. “In the information age, life has no chapters or closets; you can leave nothing behind, and you have nowhere to hide your skeletons. Your past is your present.” So the only way to get ahead in life will be by getting your “hows” right.
Ditto in business. Companies that get their hows wrong won’t be able to just hire a P.R. firm to clean up the mess by a taking a couple of reporters to lunch — not when everyone is a reporter and can talk back and be heard globally.

But this also creates opportunities. Today “what” you make is quickly copied and sold by everyone. But “how” you engage your customers, “how” you keep your promises and “how” you collaborate with partners — that’s not so easy to copy, and that is where companies can now really differentiate themselves.

“When it comes to human conduct there is tremendous variation, and where a broad spectrum of variation exists, opportunity exists,” writes Seidman. “The tapestry of human behavior is so varied, so rich and so global that it presents a rare opportunity, the opportunity to outbehave the competition.”

How can you outbehave your competition? In Michigan, Seidman writes, one hospital taught its doctors to apologize when they make mistakes, and dramatically cut their malpractice claims. In Texas, a large auto dealership allowed every mechanic to spend freely whatever company money was necessary to do the job right, and saw their costs actually decline while customer satisfaction improved. A New York street doughnut-seller trusted his customers to make their own change and found he could serve more people faster and build the loyalty that keeps them coming back.

“We do not live in glass houses (houses have walls); we live on glass microscope slides ... visible and exposed to all,” he writes. So whether you’re selling cars or newspapers (or just buying one at the newsstand), get your hows right — how you build trust, how you collaborate, how you lead and how you say you’re sorry. More people than ever will know about it when you do — or don’t.

It's happening...!

2007-06-26T16:23:00.001-07:00

Slowly, slowly I'm unpacking my work station at home. Partially because my friend Kristen is actually coming to the Brooklyn spot - the only two visitors so far are the boy and PV - the computer maestro- and partially because I needs me a work station. I'm trucking to clean it up and pretty it, while slurping cold Rose.

The box of precious DVs is being dusted off...

shit is about to begin anew. I'm sweating, the AC is blasting, blaring Damian Marley and clearing space for the film work to begin again.

I'm looking forward.

The heat. The summer.

2007-06-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

feeling flaubert's passion and melting from madame bovary's femininity... hot summer night on church ave. and 4th street. listening to the flamboyant puerto rican check out girl shout at the orthodox jew trying to bargain down the pre-picked cherries versus the loose ones. the chaos of the open air market at the golden farm is packed, while the neater, more organized fresh farm is empty. lines outside where the bangledeshi girls giggle and play with their saris and the mexican boys whistle and play with their lip pierces. I get on my newly repaired steel horse which is still too heavy and an old neighbor shouts at me to smile and come say hello. I smile but keep going.

all the things there are to see

2007-06-25T18:59:00.000-07:00

The Berlin Soundtrack

2007-06-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

This summer I've sworn to be like my brothers and sisters in Berlin ... do all the things they do in New York's more civilized European sister-city:

Ride bikes

Read

Have sex

Drink wine

dance to electroclash

laze in parks

and oh yea... work on their "art"

y'know, write.

make a film.

edit.

research.

write.

And now I've get the enabling soundtrack ...

Bill Clinton and Bad Sushi

2007-06-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

Went to a fundraiser last night with Bill Clinton. Well he packed the auditorium, sadly there were no opportunities to touch or meet him face to face - that's only for HIV victims or Big Donors. I wore a foxy dress, but no matter. The crowd was friendly, I knew a lot of people and got to introduce my mom to some of my favorite Jewish Feminists and supporters. Jazz at Lincoln Center is a gorgeous space, but the food was kosher crap.

Bill sort of rambled, Ann Curry's mic was too low, and the entire message was sadly diffuse. After we saw the video my mom questioned her decision to give funding, scratching her head to figure out what exactly she is giving her money to... this is probably NOT the desired effect.

The world these days are beset with conflict. Bill's discussion of Palestine was disturbing, "If they'donly stop dumpin' on each other, and realize their sim-i-laritees, wull, they'd stop killin each other... " I'm not sure how this left leaning crowd of Jewish do-gooders felt in the "shucks, let's not hate the Arabs" kind of environment. Was hard to tell, Billy C. is such a superstar.

Conflict in general will hopefully be seeping out of my life at least for a little while. I'm waiting in breathless anticipation.

Important news re: Ovarian Cancer - signs may appear earlier than expected.http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/06/14/opinion/edgat.php

Off to Silver Docs tomorrow, but my moderator got sick, so still have no clear sense about what we're talking about, where to go, what time, etc. Maybe they're calling it off? That would be nice.

Slow lee

2007-06-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

had the weirdest dream last night -- about being in a villa in tuscany and then going to explore the woods above the house and finding all these dwellings with wild animals caged up in close quarters in the front "yards" of humans. there were leopards and baboons and people living among them. it was vivid and scary. sort of the reality that lives inside the veneer?

am doing my bills for my daytona shoot and it is killing me - that was such a complete and utter fiasco, each expense is a knife in my heart. i've avoided even looking at the dv tapes from that shoot it was such a traumatic weekend - part of what determined me laying down my camera for the past 2.5 months! i'm ready to crawl out of the "my work is on hold" period, thank god, because that does not make me a happy person.

gearing up internally to do what i need to do and negotiate. i wish i had the skills of certain working girls that i was spending time with this time last year... i'm past my year anniversary with the hookers and my year anniversary with the cameraman : )

but am pretty tired. and feel like things are progressing at about the pace of this little snail we met in Greece.

Rikshaw Hustle

2007-06-07T12:53:00.000-07:00

Susie and I met for drinks at our favorite Brazilian Bar, Ipanema. Marcello, the doe - eyed bartender has a sweet spot for me, so he uncorked the expensive chilled bottle of white (not for single glasses) and then insisted I finish it. We ordered my favorite dish there - the incredible grilled steak with black beans, white rice, yucca powder and the silver dollar patatas. Amazing, and we always adore the Brazilian attention. A friendly group.

Then I was hopping downtown to see Catie and we couldn't find a cab so we saw a rickshaw with a fit looking guy ringing his bell. We travelled from 47th to 15th - bumping along, screaming because it is so much fun to be buzzed in the back of a rickshaw on 5th avenue!

But then ... we got the tourist hustle! This ride apparently was going to cost us $50! This lack of clarity about the cost of rickshaws these days ...

We got it down to $25.

Life Sucks but is slowly improving

2007-06-06T14:33:00.001-07:00

Really, it's not that bad -- but its been pretty exhausting and draining. WORK. We're at the finish line for this promotional video piece we've produced, an expensive and elegantly constructed video honoring some rich folks and some Jews.
Wonder if my next project will be a bar-mitzvah video?

My roommates are turning out to be totally adorable. Slightly messy, slightly neat. They do their best, their adolescently awkward, respectful and goofy. Me like. (Plus)
There is a PinkBerry addictive Korean frozen yogurt temple walking distance from work (plus) There is a pending Board Meeting for work (minus)
There are circles under my eyes like hell (minus)
There will be cocktails and dance classes with Susie (plus)
There will be a difficult conversation at work (minus)
There will be time spent with cameraman (plus)
There will be LOTS of time when cameraman is gone (minus)
There will be an end to this promotional video soon, hopefully (plus)
There may be edits or continued "film by committee" process (minus)

SOON IT WILL ALL BE OVER ...
and my life will change
and i'll get back to my film (remember that thing?)
and yea.
that's that.

Ooh - a model with a brain! (And a booty)

2007-06-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

Ups to Gisele who is speaking up for a woman's right to choose and the use of contraceptives.

SAO PAULO (Reuters) - Supermodel Gisele Bundchen stepped into the debate over birth control and sexual behavior in Brazil on Tuesday, saying Church opposition to condom use was ridiculous and women should have the right to choose on abortion.
Gisele is idolized by many young women in Brazil, the world's largest Roman Catholic country, where debate over sexual issues has intensified around a visit by Pope Benedict last month.
The Pope stressed the Church's firm opposition to abortion and contraception and railed against sex outside of marriage.
The Brazilian beauty, one of the world's top models, told Folha de S.Paulo newspaper in an interview that when the Church made its laws centuries ago, women were expected to be virgins.

"Today no one is a virgin when they get married ... show me someone who's a virgin!" she said.
Asked about abortion, she said a woman should have the right to choose what is best for her.
"If she thinks she doesn't have the money or the emotional condition to raise a child, why should she give birth?"

"It's ridiculous to ban contraceptives -- you only have to think of the diseases that are transmitted without them. I think it should be compulsory to use a contraceptive."
The Brazilian government has clashed with the church over anti-AIDS programs in which it distributes millions of free condoms and Health Minister Jose Temporao has called for a national referendum on abortion.

Other Brazilian celebrities have fallen foul of the Vatican over sex issues. Singer Daniela Mercury was banned from performing at a Vatican Christmas concert in 2005 because she took part in a campaign promoting condom use to prevent AIDS.
She denied rumors she was pregnant.

"Of course I want to have a family in the future. But not at this moment."

we're off (and hot)

2007-05-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

had back to back meetings but the pms is gone. now it is just HOT (as mauricio would say "africa hot") round these parts. i'm not sunburned, because i'm blocking myself like hell, but grumpy.

haven't slept in one place in three days... and no sleep tonight just plane. all day in hot jerusalem, falling in love with the market and nahlaot, hard to say goodbye to the fabulous enia. then back to tel aviv for a painting show, ma'ayan curated, i loved the show - the artist- and best of all (of course) saw my friend yossi, my artistic/photographic savior from last year. that was poignant and surprising. then we had a carribean dinner and considering i almost died from a stomache something this morning and afternoon, i managed to survive quite gracefully.

had a wonderful meeting with anat zuria, my friend and director yesterday. she has offered to be my producer here to get funds - and in general to use her name. i'm very happy. i want to help her on her first feature film, so when she's shooting, i may come here and shadow/assist her for a month this winter.

got some inexpensive sexy dresses from india - very femmey and light weight for summer and to look good for you... i bought one with the special intent of bike riding in it, in all of its foxiness and loaded up on gifts - so you reading are the lucky ones.

i thought alot about capitalism this trip.

and how i'm still need to finish packing and my taxi comes soon...

adieu

Israel and the Mosquitos

2007-05-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

I'm being devoured. And not just by bugs. Buffy, the licking love-dog is nearby, constantly licking me ... and lately Raus, the black shaved mewing cat has been grooming my arm and poking my face as well. Sleeping in the zoo known as 8 Hess St. Tel Aviv chez Etai and Ma'ayan. Very nice to be here, as always, especially when Etai cooks organic dinners and we drink wine.

Had a long treacherous day of pitching and shmoozing at the Israeli documentary market. Had lunch with some very nice people, but then it all spiraled. The women who pitched their project to me this morning "one on one" were busy checking their cell phones the whole time, which as a funder, makes you feel unimportant. The day's pitches were interesting - one soft core lesbian film about hot chics in the army and the seduction of the recruits by the horny lesbian filmmaker - but in all it made me antsy to do my own work. Deeply so - to do it, be done with it, wash hands of it, come back with finished product and then move on. Especially since my film is so damn interesting... so damn interesting.

Had some very nice exchanges with funders and broadcasters, but still need to harvest more business cards... but the problem is... the immovable dread. The stone of doom that is partially menstrual, but also just enormous, almost insurmountable. I feel unable to overcome the desire to disappear.

I just might... I actually am. My ride just arrived to whisk me a way somewhere fun and far and warm.

Arrival in Mediterraneao!

2007-05-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

Day 3
Wandering along the sea – sun reflecting off the waves up and down amid the Greeks. Mediterranean toughs! Like Tel Aviv just ancient, same brown skin, same tough warmness, same shoe stores and little dresses. OH MY GOD is the food amazing. Found an authentic spot, recommended by the pharmacist who sold me the Greek almond skin crème for a sampler of grilled sardines, fresh green thistle, fava paste, baked feta, dolma in olive oil. White table clothes, terrace, white wine, pigeons...! They put the plate together for me, then free desserts of strawberries, crème, and sweet honey and ginger cakes. I was babbling to myself the entire meal, saying “oh my god, oh my god this food is so amazing” then passed out at 9pm to the sound of vespas tooting. Its grey this a.m., Isaac comes in minutes!!!!

Day 2

Vienna Airport is a fucking dump. My buns are freezing on a bright yellow metal row of chairs, I’m in an encased glass pen waiting for my plane. The bathrooms suck with those weird toilets that have the shelves in them, the halls are crowded, it’s a mini Berlin-Tiegl, an equally yellow and ugly experience.
Austrian Airlines, however, a positively groovy experience. Festive green and red color scheme, delicious jams and warm rolls. Gorgeous stewardesses but sadly they are forced to wear red skirts, red tights AND red shoes. But they are so nice and accommodating, I had to work overtime to ease the rudeness of my savage Israeli fellow travelers. Saying extra pleases, thank yous and excuse mes. The sabras don’t mean nothing, they just have terrible manners and are terribly rude. I think that just as the Chinese prepare for Beijing Olympics 2008 and are being taught not to spit on the sidewalk because its “its not done in the West” Israelis desperately need to be trained to be polite so the whole world doesn’t hate them. They do learn. The large, camel-like man sitting next to me (really, he looked like a beautiful camel with a curved face and dark curved lashes) said “excuse me” the tenth time he reached over me, so I rewarded him with a smile.

I am starting to get the whole travel groove going. Is it worth it to fly Alitalia, a glorified Italian Greyhound in order to hit Milan on a layover for gelato and sunglasses? Or fly in comfort – Lufthansa or Austrian Air then suffer in smoke filled weinershnitzel cafes being ogled by ogres? Not like I have money to spend, but its no fun browsing Mozart marzipan. Much more fun to try on 300 pairs of sunglasses and look at hot Italian guys.

Greece – the next leg of the journey. I really need a pedicure and to find some skin lotion. I’d like to walk so much today my legs get tired. Isaac comes tomorrow, so they’ve given the artists’ girlfriend the single room to herself tonight (with breakfast) and then I will be moved to the double room. This means I’m flying solo in the port city of Salonika… to spend an evening with myself sipping ouzo and puzzling through a menu or whatever else I may be able to read. I’ve torn through my two books, “Fortress of Solitude” (amazing left it for Enia, Etai should read it too) and almost done “Petropolis” which I’m LOVING. A pretty hilarious and sad chubby Siberian Jewess experiences escaping her village as a mail order bride and looking for her father in Amerikia. Will I find English books in Greece? The only Greek book I’ve read is “Middlesex,” does Eugenides make the Greeks proud, or ashamed?

I took a taxi this morning at 4am, Enia and Milo her green-eyed mutt joined me on the sidewalk to wait for the shuttle. There was a young couple sitting behind me that I only really noticed until the girl got up so we could pull over so she could puke her brains out. I offered her mints and then we realized we knew each other – of course, Jerusalem is so small.

I worked with her at the Cinematheque in Jerusalem… it is like clockwork. Every time I get to Israel, within 24 hours something or someone reminds me.

Boarding for Greece!! Still don’t know if its officially “Thessaloniki” or “Salonika”
We’ll see when I arrive! Oohh! New country!!!