Toto makes me jealous

His blog is so beautiful and fun. Mine has been the non-stop grumpy bitch fest for the past two months.

My two dates for tonight bailed on me ... including my sexy boyfriend who is in West Virginia with some surgeon (ho bag? hot mama? hillbilly?) and its sleeting and gross, while last weekend it was beautiful. I'm "working" which means alternately cruising the internet to read reviews of "The Lives of Others" which I adored and just saw today or working on some day-job work stuff which is a drain of my beautiful creative life force. And not the work thought I'd be doing tonight.

I got an extension on my Sundance proposal (!) yea, so I'll spend tomorrow a.m. working on that, then yoga, then hang out with my friend Kristen... then its either weird Japanese art film in the evening with one gay friend, or cheap drinks with two other gay friends... OR digitizing at home - looking at footage of Trans dykes, drunk college girls, my mom or me and Isaac and drunk people at bars in Baltimore or the East Village. I should look at footage and log - but not when I need to write and want to drink, right? I'm going to do my best to not wait til the last minute (May 1) to edit/shoot and prepare more for my next deadline, but something tells me I will be waiting.

And then Sunday- I have a date with my grants writer - to hopefully hammer out Sundance and be finished - and then spend the evening with DV tapes... uploading, digitizing and actually MAKING A MOVIE instead of fundraising for one, seeking validation, doing day-job work, or other crap that is not filmmaking... like posting entries here.

Someday soon - my life will be fabulous again, like next weekend, when I'm in Daytona Beach, getting sunburned and jello-shots spilled all over my American Apparel (yes, I will stoop that low) bikini.