Intensity...

I hope my mounds of work and film critiques and film fund raising won't leave me barren by springtime... I'm trying to deal with the delicate balance of tons of work that I really care about and having a life -- the kind of life that I probably won't publish here.

Had three really intense meetings yesterday, on top of full day of work. Meeting w/someone to break down co-production, financial relationships, etc. Next meeting with super earnest filmmaker dude who was giving me tips, and then a phone call with Ad - Exec. guy who is so not in the doc world, but so fucking sharp... he saw my sample a bunch of times and gave me a really tough-love crit. But what I like so much is that his time, advice, opinion was completely free -- and completely DEAD ON. It was intense -- and sort of mindblowing, although "good" I would not call it. I'm very happy to have him around as a willing set of eyes. Too bad he's not my type -- he's brilliant, sharp and probably an amazing boyfriend.

The Shaman I visited last week was great, helping me keep focused, helping me identify the one persistent obstacle in my path... but we also realized that this is completely not the time for me to find my l-o-v-e. So its a time to play, and with spring around the corner, I can feel New Yorkers are ready to pounce.

The problem is, as I get older, objectifying men is getting a bit more complicated. My feelings toward straight men are shifting -- finding it hard to put them in boxes 'for fun' or 'for work connections' or 'for love- this is it!' especially when there is no 'this is it...' and the 'for fun' boy I just met has a girl, so he's really 'for nothing' or in honor of his Cuban/Barcelona (gorgeous) heritage -- nada.

Ilil Alexander is in town -- and its my job to take her around... and my ultimate pleasure. Thrilled to see her.