Ariel Sharon is a Pisces, Yossi tells me
Who knew? Seems not-right, like he should be a Taurus or a Leo or something. Yossi is a Pisces too and hates being photographed. He's a photographer.
Yossi also told me I'm quite serious. Maybe just here, right now. Doing the whole Tel Aviv socializing thing, wandering from bed to couch to beach to food to couch to wine was a bit exhausting. Yossi's place was my last stop, and well, I just wanted to talk about violence, street harassment, eye contact and trusting your instincts. That's what I was in the mood for. Plus he had no music on, so there were no distractions and the set up -- a chain smoking Israeli men with dark eyes and an ability to listen-- well, this is what I want to talk about.
Yossi's convinced you can tell by someone's face if they can be violent-- I disagree. My instinct about someone's capacity for violence failed me once. I have to disagree with this, or else I have to admit and know that I really fucked up and maybe am a terrible judge of character? I think so many things are culturally determined, who looks "safe" or whatever, and so I come up with the conclusion that you can't trust anyone. And then he says its terrible how people live in America, constantly in fear, and I agree. Sometimes it is stupid (to fear Saddam Hussein in rural Ohio), but othertimes -- its not. Not for us. Not for the ladies, not for the survivors. Fuck. That is so depressing.
He then suggests that maybe I'm just "sensitive" and fucking of course I'm sensitive. And that's an annoying comment -- but I wonder if I've ever told him what my whole project is about?
I had hoped that Yossi's eyes would be a good stand in for the rapists' eyes-- those dark brown lashed eyes that hover between sexy/exotic and dark/dangerous. I have to show the appeal of this man, and my own stupid Orientalist judgements, or else no one will get why I wanted to sleep with him in the first place.
Its so easy to look back and see all of your mistakes and your prejudgements and the factors that motivated you or the elements that attracted you. And to look now and see how stupid or exoticizing or silly or young or lonely they were.
We changed the subject. Drank more wine, played with his video camera and I slept on his couch. We made a small video of me falling a sleep saying:
I came.
I drank.
I got serious.
I passed out.
Yossi also told me I'm quite serious. Maybe just here, right now. Doing the whole Tel Aviv socializing thing, wandering from bed to couch to beach to food to couch to wine was a bit exhausting. Yossi's place was my last stop, and well, I just wanted to talk about violence, street harassment, eye contact and trusting your instincts. That's what I was in the mood for. Plus he had no music on, so there were no distractions and the set up -- a chain smoking Israeli men with dark eyes and an ability to listen-- well, this is what I want to talk about.
Yossi's convinced you can tell by someone's face if they can be violent-- I disagree. My instinct about someone's capacity for violence failed me once. I have to disagree with this, or else I have to admit and know that I really fucked up and maybe am a terrible judge of character? I think so many things are culturally determined, who looks "safe" or whatever, and so I come up with the conclusion that you can't trust anyone. And then he says its terrible how people live in America, constantly in fear, and I agree. Sometimes it is stupid (to fear Saddam Hussein in rural Ohio), but othertimes -- its not. Not for us. Not for the ladies, not for the survivors. Fuck. That is so depressing.
He then suggests that maybe I'm just "sensitive" and fucking of course I'm sensitive. And that's an annoying comment -- but I wonder if I've ever told him what my whole project is about?
I had hoped that Yossi's eyes would be a good stand in for the rapists' eyes-- those dark brown lashed eyes that hover between sexy/exotic and dark/dangerous. I have to show the appeal of this man, and my own stupid Orientalist judgements, or else no one will get why I wanted to sleep with him in the first place.
Its so easy to look back and see all of your mistakes and your prejudgements and the factors that motivated you or the elements that attracted you. And to look now and see how stupid or exoticizing or silly or young or lonely they were.
We changed the subject. Drank more wine, played with his video camera and I slept on his couch. We made a small video of me falling a sleep saying:
I came.
I drank.
I got serious.
I passed out.
posted by No Longer Active at 10:12 AM
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